here goes...

After many months and many long night meetings and different conversations about ideas and theories about a merger between Quest and Interbay church-- here it is this Sunday, June 3rd our first service together as one church. It is an exciting time for the Quest community. We are gaining so much in depth from our brothers and sisters at Interbay. As a pastor at Quest church, I have been completely humbled by this tremendous gift and sacrifice by our brothers and sisters next door. They are giving much in order to further the kingdom of God. They are giving themselves completely to God's spirit as they trust that their vision to be a community who 'sends' others out for the gospel will remain alive and thriving among men and women they are finally getting to know after all these years. It is amazing!!

On Sunday, we had a service time (one which we have about 1-2 times a year) to allow the larger congregation to share their scripture and encouragement to their community in hopes of cultivating a culture of blessing each other through our words, thoughts, insights-- those things that God lays upon our hearts. It was a wonderful time and beautiful time to hear from so many as they expressed their struggles, their passions, their desire to follow God.

What came to mind for me as we prepare our hearts for the merging of two bodies coming together as one was given to me in the scripture: Ephesians 4:1-7.
It reads:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.

This Sunday was the last Sunday for Quest-- as we've known it. We will be changing our space, joining in community with another church and as a result let's face it we will change as a community. And although the change is a good one-- it is a change and one that deserves to be marked, remembered, and moved through in grace and faith. I am reminded that Quest although diverse in many ways-- we will become that much more diverse in the merging of these different bodies.

As we have prepared to the best of our human abilities through the LT, church forums, membership meetings and transitional team I think in the back of our minds we still wonder how will this work-- we are different. Our stories, our experiences, our ideas well they are different so when the rubber meets the road what will this look like in the end?

I remember my first ordination class (called Theological Distinctives) in Denver. The instructors had us stand up introduce ourselves and share our church background. As people shared I began to realize that the ECC is a diverse denomination of people from all kinds of different church backgrounds. There were people who were traditionally Pentecostal, Baptist, Episcoplian, Presbyterian and more... And in the back of my mind I wondered how does this work that people who are so different can come together to serve together as one church. And then I learned that in the ECC's theological distinctives that at the heart of their beliefs was: unity in Christ. Unity in Christ-- what freedom! No matter where we fell in our beliefs on the administration of sacraments, whether we were believers of infant baptism or believer baptism, how we felt about women in leadership-- at the heart of it all there was freedom because we believe we are one in Christ and that is what binds us one to another.

And this word applies to us (Quest Church and Interbay)-- that although different in history, stories, experiences and backgrounds-- we are in fact bound together because of what Christ has done for us on the cross. It is that grace-- that love-- that mercy that makes us one. Our missions, our visions, our agendas are not what make us a church it is in fact, the work of Christ. We are united with him, in him and together as one.

Bloggersphere and more...

So I committed to myself & to you (even though you didn't know it AND i'm not sure if there is a you because who knows who or if anyone reads this thing) to at least have one new blog entry a week. I felt I owed it to the world to get my thoughts out there. I have a distinct feeling that blogs should have meaning and purpose and a reason for being in cyberspace. Sometimes I don't know what the purpose of my blog is... I don't want to just blog about what I'm wearing and when my next big bowl of pho will be consumed... I want it to be meaningful and send a message of worthy publication... Somedays I don't write because maybe all I'd have to say is monotonous drivel and I think that the only one who would benefit from that post would be myself. As my thoughts pinged around in my head about the meaning of blogs (particularly mine) I realized it came from a deeper place inside me. Let's just say the blog is a metaphor for my life. So here I find myself writing a much more personal post about my fears and insecurities. Exciting stuff!

Maybe you too, can relate to this feeling? Can you or am I heading down this very slippery narcisstic slope towards peril? You know that feeling of worth and value? I definately don't want to be like some blogs out there-- without purpose, meaning and something of value to God and this world. But how do you reconcile the three: 1) those fears that are innately floating around in all of us, 2) the reality it's got nothing at all to do with you and your abilities and 3) the truth that God has created all of us with purpose and intent. How do you step out and risk the unknown praying that you're within His will to fulfill his greater commandments to love him and others? I think i've got some ideas on that-- something to do with faith-- maybe.

The Pursuit of Happyness

This weekend while I was under the weather with a severe cold I got the chance to watch the movie: The Pursuit of Happyness. For some reason, I found myself crying like a baby through out the entire movie. It was a sad movie mostly because the main character, Chris Gardner (played by Will Smith), had come on to some heavy times from unemployment, to figuring out a way to make a better life for his son, to homelessness, to sleeping in the subway bathroom overnight, to job internship without pay and so on... I felt very connected to the main character on so many levels especially as a parent and a fellow journeyer on the path of the pursuit of happyness. At one point in the film Chris sees business men and women in downtown NY and concludes that they all look happy and it was there where the film was making the connection: money= happyness. Chris sees a guy driving a sports car and says, "Hey what do you do?" And the sports car driver says, "I'm a stockbrocker". At that point Chris says, "Everyone seemed so happy". Everyone was referring to the men and women in business suits and ties, walking in and out of a down town building with very heavy brief cases and very wide smiles. It is at this point of the movie where Chris decides he must try life as a stock brocker since other avenues of work are not coming to fruition. Okay so that's a brief synopsis of the movie, but my exploration on a personal note had to do with this whole pursuit thing...

It seems to me that money (especially in this case) would have helped out a whole bunch in helping his family financially, finding housing stability and so on, thus giving peace of mind and a sense of happiness but can money really bring deep, soul contentment and happiness? Even being a Christian on the path of following the example of Christ and deepening my faith in God-- I find that I'm still in pursuit. And maybe that is what saddened me while watching this movie-- I see myself and the world around scratching around trying to find some inner peace, some joy, some happiness-- yet at times coming up so empty handed.

Maybe the true pursuit needs to be in finding connection with God despite whatever outcomes would come in our journey. Let's face it our quest for God doesn't always give us the warm, fuzzy feelings we always expect or desire but somehow in our faithfulness & steadfastness to the call I believe that it can give us the depth and contentment that only that kind of commitment can bring.

Oswald Chambers says, "Joy comes from seeing the complete fulfillment of the specific purpose for which I was created and born again, not from successfully doing something of my own choosing. The joy our Lord ecperienced came from doing what the Father sent Him to do. And He says to us, 'As the Father has sent Me, I also send you (John 20:21)'.

for more pics of my daughter and family check out my family blog at:

http://lifelovehome.blogspot.com/

Picture of 'To the Streets' on 15th and Market

To the Streets: One person, one heart at a time

Today was our monthly scheduled time to minister to the homeless through our ministry 'To the Streets'. We've been doing this for about two and a half years now. Over the past 7 years of working with the homeless I've always wondered to myself: what kind of change or transformation does this work bring to people? In fact, more often than not I'm questioned by people in our community about the work we are attempting to do through 'to the streets'. They are good, valid questions about what kind of 'real' impact are we making, what we should expect in people's lives after a certain point of helping them, etc. These are questions I often ask myself. In the past few months I've been reminded of the small steps sometimes it takes to love people. I am reminded of Christ's ministry and how he pressed forward to care for people regardless of the outcomes, especially those outcomes we can only measure with human eyes.

Then today a man who'd we worked with for the past two years came out to volunteer his time for 'To the Streets'. Ken is someone who has struggled for years with a variety of layers of homelessness-- some of the struggle having to do with chemical dependency, mental health/illness, unemployment and more. He shared how he was clean and sober and has housing in South Seattle and how the people at Quest has impacted his decision to get his life back on track. He proclaimed how he desired to get baptized and become a member of the church and how it was an opportunity for him to give back in some small way. Beyond his words the transformation in his life was so evident and clear and a testimony to all of us of Christ's work in his life. I am blessed that we had a small impact on this transformative process, but more importantly I am excited to be on the other side with him to celebrate this wonderful work. It is a testimony to me that we just don't know the work of the Spirit in every human heart. We must be faithful by believing and showing up to extend our lives in service, but not because we'll have any way to measure the work but in humility as we remember that God's Spirit is working on a level we can't sometimes see or understand. The testimony of our friend, Ken*, is evidence of that work. Who knew that a pair of socks or small tube of toothpaste could be such a window into the larger work of God?

*name has been changed to protect his identity

More attacks.

"Tonight in Mae La Refugee camp 40,000 people are sitting in their dark bamboo huts waiting for the terrible crack of light weapons, the dull thud and explosion of artillery, and the continuation of their displacement and abuse. The Thai authorities have banned all forms of light in the camp, including candles, to give the Burma Army less advantage on an offensive against this camp. This attack, they say, is imminent and should commence within hours of this email". (written by Partners eWorld)

Today I came into work and sat at my computer, as I was preparing to start my work I came across this email in my inbox. My heart immediately sank. Last year I travelled to Thailand with other fellow questers and we had a short stay at Maela Camp. Maela camp is a refuge for more than 50,000 people. It is located in Thailand and has been in existence for 20+ years. The one thing I learned in my stay there is that in the face of such oppression and persecution the Karen people held onto hope. I remember waking to the sounds of singing at 6 am in the morning and go to bed with the sounds of singing at 10 pm at night. While taking walks in the camp you could hear a choir of voices as they sang praises to God while doing their chores, walking to school, cooking and cleaning. Our last day in the camp we were asked to go to the hospital where men and women who were disabled as a result of the military regime stayed. We were able to go in and pray with these men and women and it struck me in the midst of their own personal struggles and adversities they took time to minister to us and allow joy to invade their lives and spill out onto our lives. My mind is being pulled towards these memories as I pray for safety in the midst of darkness and chaos.

In the wake of the recent events that have taken place here in Virginia I wonder: would we allow a group of people to come into any town in the states and burn down, displace, murder and destroy people and their homes? On the other side of the world innocent men, women and children are being threatened again and oppressed. Will no one help them? Will no one go to their aid and stop these attacks?

Please join me in prayer.

HOPE AWAITS

Mentally and emotionally it's been a rough couple of days-- not only for myself personally but for the larger American community. The shootings that took place on Monday at V Tech were senseless tragedies. The last day or so I've been reading the stories of the victims and my heart feels so heavy. My heart goes out to the families and loved ones who are experiencing such deep grief and loss. As a pastor, I have been deeply reflecting how I might be used here in Seattle to minister to our church community and beyond in the wake of such pain and tragedy.

Honestly, I'm having a hard time articulating my thoughts and emotions, as I feel overwhelmed. At this point all I can manage to muster is broken and indecipherable mutterings as prayers to God. And I am reminded that I only have a small window into the heart of God-- how His heart must be broken as He surveys all that he has created and watches as His creation sometimes responds in destruction and violence.

Psalm 77 reminds us:
I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and in my spirit inquired:
With the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High". I will remember the deeds of the Lord, yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your might deeds.
Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? you are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, through your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron

In the wake of such devastation and loss it is strange to keep the balance between grief and hope. But I am reminded that in God there is hope. His heart is broken; He sees; He grieves and in the shadow of such a senseless crime the truth stands: God remains.

A few other thoughts are floating in my head about this incident. Mostly in relation to the media portrayal of the crime and the perpetrator. I never really feel comfortable about how the media tends to characterize the perpetrator after incidents like these. The few things that pop out in my mind is the constant need to dissect the individual-- without an honest dialogue about the structure of our society. So in this instance, his mental stability. Although, that does provide a window into understanding that Seung was deeply disturbed and needing mental support and assistance. The fact that he checked himself into a mental hospital and was recommended by the school for psychiatric services acknowledges the reality that Seung needed help. The way that the media portrays his mental instability is that it should have been one of the primary indicators for being able to prevent this crime. However, there are people who are mentally disturbed and check themselves into psychiatric hospitals everyday and that does not mean that they are going to go on a killing spree. So in saying all of that, my hope is that the aspect of his mental health, although an important door into helping us understand better what he was going through and possibly thinking, should give us a larger perspective into his story but should not be the primary means in which we look at people in order to prevent these sorts of crimes. I don't want to see this become another level of stigmatization and discrimination of those who suffer from mental illness. People that might share the same characteristics as Seung (that the media has portrayed) such as a loner, a person who didn't like eye contact, angry, someone who didn't speak much, etc. be perceived or targeted as potential perpetrators in our society based on those commonalities. There is absolutely no excuse for what Seung did, but it makes me wonder, "what happened to him that would make him do this"? and "how did he slip through the cracks"? It's not like he just woke up one day and decided to be a loner-- somehow he felt (based on some of the transcripts of his writing and manifesto I've read) that he was on the margins of society. People may argue that we do need to look at the individual in order to prevent such things from occurring in the future and I don't argue against that, but I do think there needs to be a balance between also looking at the societal structures in place such as our fascination with violence and guns, how our society's entertainment is centered around violence, gun control, etc. I'm not going to talk about that much because David Leong has covered that pretty well on his blog about being peacemakers in a world of violence. Check it out at: http://wordful.wordpress.com/

Another aspect of the media's portrayal that disturbs me is the emphasis on his race and the fact that he immigrated to the states. In light of the dialogues floating around about immigration policies and terrorism I wonder how this incident will again heighten the fears Americans have around issues of immigration. I fear connections will be made that the fact that Seung was an immigrant makes this some level of terrorism-- only perpetuating our paranoia about such issues of immigration, homeland security, etc. Maybe I'm far reaching but it's been in the back of mind. I'm no expert, but I'm just thinking out loud. Also, it's aggravating to see so much emphasis on his immigration status being that he migrated here when he was 8 years old. He was raised in America. I fear the negative repercussions this portrayal will have on other immigrants and the Asian- American community.

Lastly, I also grieve with my Asian-American community, as I know this has impacted our community here at Quest. Quest is a multi-cultural church and about 45% of our congregation is Asian-America. Of that 45% a large majority are Korean-American. Our lead pastor's last name is Cho. And unfortunately people say and do stupid things like assume there is some connection to the perpetrator because of the same last name, ethnicity, etc. Koreans in Seattle have already felt discrimination because of their ethnic connection to the killer in Virginia. My prayers are for protection against these injustices.

This has been an emotionally exhausting week and I think in the next few days/ weeks I'll blog more about some of my thoughts... But for now I leave it at that and refocus my attentions on the hope of Christ. My heart joins the families and victims of this tragedy.