Tuesday, September 01, 2009

To love.

In Henri Nouwen's book, Intimacy, he asks about the possibility of love by stating, "Is love a Utopian dream or a possibility within our reach?" As I've been picking up my pen and paper to begin the song writing process this has been the question that I've continued to play out over and over in my mind. Perhaps it is the fact that I am getting older and maybe even growing more cynical, but I feel weakened and even humbled by the overarching feeling of the impossibility of true, authentic, vulnerable love really taking place between one human to the next. I see this fluid dynamic take place in my interpersonal relationships and the reality that when I dig to the depths of my potential I realize that the motives that underlie my values are rather selfish and self-serving. Is there any real place within the human heart that is for the other?

Nouwen juxtaposes this between two positions: the taking form and the forgiving form. The taking form is about power. It is about the possession of the other. While the forgiving form is about trust and confession. It is the surrendering of oneself to another. Obviously, we all strive to fall in the forgiving form but let's be honest there is an interplay between the two and perhaps even the temptation or reality that we align ourselves more with the taking form.

So what of it? Where is the hope? I talked to a friend today about the distinction of friendship versus advocacy of the non-housed in our community. I talk a great deal about the need to show compassion and kindness and grace to those that are homeless but it really is so futile if it is not grounded in love. Yet, in our own strength somehow our sentiments really become about political gain or (as I mentioned in an earlier post) our 'narcissistic hits'. Where is the love? There is so much to contend, namely ourselves. How do we overcome so that we might truly love in a sacrificial way? Nouwen answers this question eloquently by saying, "If there is a need for a new morality it is the morality which teaches us the fellowship of the weak as a human possibility. Love then is not a clinging to each other in the fear of an oncoming disaster but an encounter in a freedom that allows for creation of new life. This love cannot be proved. We can only be invited..."

Sure, there are examples of this great love-- the ultimate one, Christ. But at the end of the day I have myself to contend. And sometimes it feels like an insurmountable wall that only can be approached with the humility to keep hoping and the commitment to hold tension.

Here is a song I wrote about that tension:

I remember the morning dew... on my skin
You do, you do, you're done
I remember the fabric... against my breast
It so, it so, you sew

***

The sea salt mist stings my eyes
We can't see
God see, God see, God come
You were timid... I held my breath
And it was good the stain sweat on my brow

Love's never easy
Love's never easy
Love's never easy
So you say

Love's never easy
Love's never easy
Love's not so easy
So you say