Tuesday, September 01, 2009

To love.

In Henri Nouwen's book, Intimacy, he asks about the possibility of love by stating, "Is love a Utopian dream or a possibility within our reach?" As I've been picking up my pen and paper to begin the song writing process this has been the question that I've continued to play out over and over in my mind. Perhaps it is the fact that I am getting older and maybe even growing more cynical, but I feel weakened and even humbled by the overarching feeling of the impossibility of true, authentic, vulnerable love really taking place between one human to the next. I see this fluid dynamic take place in my interpersonal relationships and the reality that when I dig to the depths of my potential I realize that the motives that underlie my values are rather selfish and self-serving. Is there any real place within the human heart that is for the other?

Nouwen juxtaposes this between two positions: the taking form and the forgiving form. The taking form is about power. It is about the possession of the other. While the forgiving form is about trust and confession. It is the surrendering of oneself to another. Obviously, we all strive to fall in the forgiving form but let's be honest there is an interplay between the two and perhaps even the temptation or reality that we align ourselves more with the taking form.

So what of it? Where is the hope? I talked to a friend today about the distinction of friendship versus advocacy of the non-housed in our community. I talk a great deal about the need to show compassion and kindness and grace to those that are homeless but it really is so futile if it is not grounded in love. Yet, in our own strength somehow our sentiments really become about political gain or (as I mentioned in an earlier post) our 'narcissistic hits'. Where is the love? There is so much to contend, namely ourselves. How do we overcome so that we might truly love in a sacrificial way? Nouwen answers this question eloquently by saying, "If there is a need for a new morality it is the morality which teaches us the fellowship of the weak as a human possibility. Love then is not a clinging to each other in the fear of an oncoming disaster but an encounter in a freedom that allows for creation of new life. This love cannot be proved. We can only be invited..."

Sure, there are examples of this great love-- the ultimate one, Christ. But at the end of the day I have myself to contend. And sometimes it feels like an insurmountable wall that only can be approached with the humility to keep hoping and the commitment to hold tension.

Here is a song I wrote about that tension:

I remember the morning dew... on my skin
You do, you do, you're done
I remember the fabric... against my breast
It so, it so, you sew

***

The sea salt mist stings my eyes
We can't see
God see, God see, God come
You were timid... I held my breath
And it was good the stain sweat on my brow

Love's never easy
Love's never easy
Love's never easy
So you say

Love's never easy
Love's never easy
Love's not so easy
So you say

3 comments:

laurie said...

I love your thoughts about this, Dee. I definitely agree that love is never easy. I particularly like the distinction you’re making between giving out of a place of fear and giving out of a place of greed. I don’t think that anything done out of fear can be truly helpful. Unfortunately, we’re often unaware that our motivation is fear.

One thing I’d add to the whole “can we ever really love/ give ourselves/ surrender to another person” question is this… I don’t necessarily think that surrendering to the other is “selfless” in the way that we often think of it. A parent/child relationship is the best illustration I can think of. Yes, parents are constantly giving SO much for their children, and yes it’s a HUGE sacrifice. But I know very few parents who don’t receive mass amounts of joy in the privilege that they have to love, serve, and give to their children. In other words, I’m not sure that giving and receiving - loving and being loved - are as disconnected from each other as we often think. To give IS to receive.

I have many more thoughts actually - going down various tangents. My mind is spinning as I try to make sense of it all. This is a very interesting and important topic!

DeAnza said...

laurie,

i definitely agree with your thoughts... there is a reward in just the expression/extension of love. my head is still swooning with so many thoughts. thanks for engaging me on the topic!

d

Jeremy said...

Hi DeAnza!
Your post resonates with many, to be sure. One thing that comes to mind, is that you don't really _give_ love to others - you _embody_ love. As you embody love to a greater degree, you must express it first to yourself. Then, to other people. That expression could look like a hug, a conversation - whatever it's supposed to look like that your spirit is calling you towards.

Ok, so here's the difficult part, that I recently worked /am working through. Loving someone enough, to
allow them to make choices (and experience the consequences of those choices) - even if it means them having to experience great personal suffering.

Without sorrow, but rather with love, _recognize_ that
they are at where they are at for a reason, that they will learn on a soul level whatever they need to learn, through their experience, and that will ultimately serve their higher good.

You can offer help, but cannot accept it (from you) on their behalf. If they do not accept,
know - KNOW - that it does not diminish the love that is within you - one bit! It just changes the expression of where it goes (to someone else).

...And even if they refuse, the love that is within them - will resonate with the love that is within you - and grow a little bit more, just because of your presence with them.

- _That_ is how powerful a divine being that you are!

Much Love!

- Jeremy