Transitions

Two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. I never realized how quickly and drastically life changes until I saw those two little lines appear on my EPT test. My life feels like it has been turned on its head. My choices no longer just effect me-- they effect a small baby inside of me, too. The irony of this change of events is that Frank and I had discussed the possibility of NEVER having children just weeks prior to this surprise. Yet, life turns and here I am-- pregnant.

For weeks I have been so scared with my 'new' reality. I am going to be a mother. I am going to be responsible for someone other than myself. After this discovery the first few days I tossed and turned at night and then I realized that I was afraid of making all the mistakes I fear to make-- the mistakes that i've been pointing out in my own parents for years. All my complaints, all my whinings could be echoed by this little one about me... How selfish-- how immature to think about my pride when there is someone who will need my care... And I've realized that I must become less.

My prayer is that in these next seven months that God would prepare my heart to be more than I dreamed. I pray that I will seek wisdom in each decision that I make. I pray that I would have grace and also allow myself room to fail-- always ready to repent.