The Cutest Girl in the World! This was when Isabelle was about 6 months old.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Reconciling with God
This past Sunday Eugene preached on forgiveness and reconciliation. Not an easy topic to swallow, as I think it resonates with every human soul: we have all been trespassers and we have all been trespassed against. And the residue that remains after being hurt or hurting can be a challenge to reconcile.
It's truly a miracle when people's relationships are restored, because both hearts have to be willing at the same time to be healed and brought back together. I've always admired my father's hopefulness, because he believes any couple or any two people should be able to reconcile if they are both willing. And I think that is true. The problem is that a lot of times both people are not willing at the same time.
Growing up I was trained to believe that forgiveness and reconciliation is about forgetting the trespasses and moving on as if nothing took place to require the reconciliatory act. And now after much thought and reflection I think that reconciliation is not so much about forgetting, or mending a relationship or maintaining dialogue with another person, but it is about the peace that can come from forgiving someones' trespasses, forgiving your own trespasses and receivng the forgiveness of God. The reality is that even when you've been forgiven or when you forgive it doesn't mean that a relationship will continue.
This year has been a year coming to a crossroads of forgiveness in my heart. And although I felt for so long that I couldn't forgive because I wanted justice-- I realized that the justice I wanted was really retribution which is rather unjust. And if I could forgive I could be led into the beautiful journey of grieving an amazing friend and sister. We prepare ourselves for a loss in death or relocation, but when a loss is accompanied by hurtful trespasses we forget the beautiful gifts that were once shared-- those gifts were shared for a purpose even if only for a time.
This past Sunday Eugene preached on forgiveness and reconciliation. Not an easy topic to swallow, as I think it resonates with every human soul: we have all been trespassers and we have all been trespassed against. And the residue that remains after being hurt or hurting can be a challenge to reconcile.
It's truly a miracle when people's relationships are restored, because both hearts have to be willing at the same time to be healed and brought back together. I've always admired my father's hopefulness, because he believes any couple or any two people should be able to reconcile if they are both willing. And I think that is true. The problem is that a lot of times both people are not willing at the same time.
Growing up I was trained to believe that forgiveness and reconciliation is about forgetting the trespasses and moving on as if nothing took place to require the reconciliatory act. And now after much thought and reflection I think that reconciliation is not so much about forgetting, or mending a relationship or maintaining dialogue with another person, but it is about the peace that can come from forgiving someones' trespasses, forgiving your own trespasses and receivng the forgiveness of God. The reality is that even when you've been forgiven or when you forgive it doesn't mean that a relationship will continue.
This year has been a year coming to a crossroads of forgiveness in my heart. And although I felt for so long that I couldn't forgive because I wanted justice-- I realized that the justice I wanted was really retribution which is rather unjust. And if I could forgive I could be led into the beautiful journey of grieving an amazing friend and sister. We prepare ourselves for a loss in death or relocation, but when a loss is accompanied by hurtful trespasses we forget the beautiful gifts that were once shared-- those gifts were shared for a purpose even if only for a time.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting these past few days. I just read my friends' blog who is living in Korea. She's staying there and taking a position at a university where she'll get to teach some of her core passions. I feel very proud of her. It's strange how God calls us to different places in our lives... sometimes it feels like we just tumbled into it and other times the path seems so clear cut.
In my reflections, i'd been kind of reading some of my old entries. I had forgotten all the things i'd pondered over in the past. And it was nice to connect with some old memories and remember the different ways in which God has spoken to me throughout the years. Now that i'm 32 the struggle of life is very different than that of my 20's. In my 20's my deepest struggle was my insecurity and uncertainty of who I was and what my purpose was. I do not miss those days: constantly second guessing myself, constantly wondering if my next move was the right one, never really understanding the gifts that God had given me, not really understanding the call or if there was a call on my life. I've read articles of women who are older than me who have said that as they've gotten older that the struggle with themselves has gotten better and that they were much kinder to themselves...even liked themselves as they began to age, change and mature. Ironic? In a time, where everyone is clinging to keep there youth. But in my journey i'm finding that to be true. I am proud of the woman that God has created in me and that is a battle i'm so glad to have some peace about. In your 20's you have this sense that you can take on anything: do anything!! The world is an entire adventure... In my 30's I am much more realistic about what I can really do, but unfortunately sometimes that comes with increasing growth in cynicism and skepticism and distrust. And that is the new battle: fighting from letting my heart grow cold, hardened and encrusted or allowing myself to become to settled. I entitled this blog, "Created for More". Because that was the theme of my 20's for so long... trying to figure out what i've been created for and knowing that I hadn't quite found it yet... Good news! Today I have a deeper understanding of why I was created and a deeper appreciation for the way that God has uniquely made me.
In my reflections, i'd been kind of reading some of my old entries. I had forgotten all the things i'd pondered over in the past. And it was nice to connect with some old memories and remember the different ways in which God has spoken to me throughout the years. Now that i'm 32 the struggle of life is very different than that of my 20's. In my 20's my deepest struggle was my insecurity and uncertainty of who I was and what my purpose was. I do not miss those days: constantly second guessing myself, constantly wondering if my next move was the right one, never really understanding the gifts that God had given me, not really understanding the call or if there was a call on my life. I've read articles of women who are older than me who have said that as they've gotten older that the struggle with themselves has gotten better and that they were much kinder to themselves...even liked themselves as they began to age, change and mature. Ironic? In a time, where everyone is clinging to keep there youth. But in my journey i'm finding that to be true. I am proud of the woman that God has created in me and that is a battle i'm so glad to have some peace about. In your 20's you have this sense that you can take on anything: do anything!! The world is an entire adventure... In my 30's I am much more realistic about what I can really do, but unfortunately sometimes that comes with increasing growth in cynicism and skepticism and distrust. And that is the new battle: fighting from letting my heart grow cold, hardened and encrusted or allowing myself to become to settled. I entitled this blog, "Created for More". Because that was the theme of my 20's for so long... trying to figure out what i've been created for and knowing that I hadn't quite found it yet... Good news! Today I have a deeper understanding of why I was created and a deeper appreciation for the way that God has uniquely made me.
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