Monday, August 03, 2009

I am special.

The title of this entry is not meant to be some arrogant exclamation. No, instead it is the descriptor of my personality style measured by the Enneagram personality assessment. I am currently attending a class in Chicago for the denominations ordination track entitled: Vocational Excellence. I just got here today (which hopefully I will have energy and time to share stories of my travel). On our first day we received the results from both our personality tools: The Enneagram and the Myers-Briggs.

This wasn't the first time I took the Enneagram or the Myers-Briggs. I recently took the Enneagram with the entire staff at Quest and at that time my results were the same. When listening to people share what personality they were there were groans of regret or disbelief but for me I couldn't have gotten a more accurate account of who I am unless I'd written it myself. I remember feeling that way the first time I had taken it. For the longest time I thought I couldn't be tracked or measured and I wondered if there was a soul out there that could understand who I was. So here is an excerpt of my personality description:

"You are attracted to and value originality, authenticity, individuality and artistic expression. You want to make the world a more beautiful place. You have an innate sense of quality... You value the inner journey... You have an appreciation for the tragedy of life and are especially sensitive toward sadness, loss and grief. You have a romantic, poetic, nostalgic way of being in the world". (These are the positive attributes of my personality)

Now here's for the not so healthy aspects of my personality:

"When you exaggerate your sensitive qualities too much, you over-identify with the idealized self image. You can overreact and dramatize. You are prone to melancholy, feel misunderstood and your distorted driving force or passion is envy".

*sigh*
Yes, that is me. I can look at this page and feel a certain sense of dread. I don't like the fact that I have a tendency to overreact or exaggerate my experiences and interactions. Yet, I find a glimmer of hope in knowing that I am who I am... that I am wonderfully and fearfully made and called just as I am. It is a simple and profound truth-- one, I think we all have a difficult time absorbing. And coming just as I am doesn't mean that I don't have the responsibility to grow and mature in areas of my life but it allows me not to be limited by weaknesses and inactive on the sidelines hoping that change will come so I can participate. 'Just as I am' means-- come and through the fiery and difficult process of surrender and submission you will be refined.