Building community: Deepening relationship.

I have an amazing job. I am privledged to walk by people, to journey with people every day. I get to listen to people's stories and walk along with those when they are struggling. It is a gift. A gift I take for granted. Because with all I have to give, with all I have to offer sometimes I hold back out of fear of my inabilities. My weakness is that I don't allow myself to be weak. And no matter how hard I fight to be less weak-- the truth remains-- I am weak.

My friend Eugene says, 'We don't have to, we get to'. Meaning this gift that I've been blessed with is not mine 'to do' something with-- it is a gift and I have a responsibility to the giver to respond.

This week has been a particularly difficult struggle as I try to find balance in giving and receiving. In my role in my community I realize that I do not have a choice to give on my whims. I am a leader-- one who is called to journey with others, stand by others, advocate for others and be a voice for justice and compassion. It is not a 9 to 5. I can't call in sick because I feel a bit disappointed or hurt or whatever the feeling may be... my call is to others. There are times when I wish I had a time card and could punch out whenever I felt a little under the weather, but I don't. Thus, bringing me to where I am at today... My Pastor gives so much to his community. He gives his support, his love, his compassion, his grace, his accountability-- all extentions of Christ's love. And I wonder if on Sundays he ever wishes he could bail? I'm sure that in all that life has to offer he has his struggles, yet every day I see him show up ready to give to those he loves. A true testimony of Christ's love-- God's grace.

Saint Catherine of Genoa says, "I am no longer my own. Whether I live or whether I die, I belong to my Saviour. I have nothing of my own. God is my all, and my whole being is His". I want a life where my extension of grace is a sacrifice of my needs for the needs of others. I want to find contentment in Him. And because my life is no longer my own-- I want to trust that He knows my being. And in knowing my core, only He could give such a gift.

"The prize with which God rewards our self-abandonment is Himself". (Mother Teresa)