Can we ever know God's goodness? Or do we just have to have faith and believe that He is good?

This has been an ongoing conversation in my C group for months. It seems that we all are in different areas as we dialogue about God's goodness. And it has been a place where I have wrestled time and time again. But when it comes down to it... I'm tired. My wrestling is my unwillingness to surrender to God's grace. You see, I've come to a place where I just have to have faith that God is good... That he is just... That he is sovereign. Once I surrender in faith I realize that the evidence of God's goodness is evident in my life: The hope of my salvation. Could I even be blogging about this matter if he wasn't good? Could I even contemplate his goodness if he didn't make himself present in my life?

But that doesn't mean that I blindly just say, 'God is Good'. Because let's face it suffering exists... In light of suffering, we question where God's goodness exists? So i've been contemplating the weight sin has on suffering. Talking with a friend about this, she said that God's goodness is not something we can comprehend. In fact many mystics, only refer to what God is not, as opposed to what God is. Which raised the question: if we say what God is not 'something' aren't we also saying the opposite: what he is. For example, if we say God is not merciful... aren't we in turn saying God is merciful?

As brought up in C group, God made us with free will... is this part of his goodness? I am glad to be able to make choices, but as a result do I not have responsibilty for the sin I choose and if I choose sin why does that negate God's goodness in my mind? Shouldn't that only underline my weakness? Which brings up the question: Why do innocent people face immense suffering? And this brings me to the idea of residual sin or generational sin. In I Kings Solomon commited many sins: had multiple wives outside of his race, attempted murder, worshiped idols and the list continues. But the consequences of his sin are paid by his sons. God says, "I will not take the whole kingdom our of Solomon's hand... I will take the kingdom out of his son's hands..." My point is that even if we choose not to sin (see post 6/8/2003), as we do have the ability to choose never to sin... we will always face the consequences of sin because of the falleness of our world and due to past sins of our fore fathers and mothers.

In the end, I realize that I must believe in God's goodness and be ready to see the evidence of His goodness daily. I am so blessed as I see him reveal himself to me through my husband's comforting arms, the women who pray for me, my friend who inspires me to seek wisdom, my community, my pastor who is always raising the bar for me to become more... In this, I can not deny his goodness. And sometimes my resistence is in realizing his goodness is too good for my disdained soul. I must receive his grace so that in His strength I can in turn give it.