counting blessings

a new year and with a new year comes much reflection and contemplation on life, the future, the past, the present, family and more. i think when you are in ministry there is always this fine line of losing perspective on the growth that has taken place in your life, as well as the maturity that needs to continue to grow in your heart, mind and soul. i know that in the busy life i lead that i get too easily caught up on those things that don't really matter like how i perform and if i remain good enough in the daily tasks of my life-- as opposed to being pliable and moldable in my life-- to be used as i am called in each moment. i easily rely on my own strengths and capabilities and forget that i first need to lean on god for all strength, peace, wisdom and understanding. and although this seems to be a reoccuring theme and lesson in my life-- i forget all too easily.

this last saturday we hosted a prayer service and i think that for the first time in a long time i came to an understanding or at least i was reminded (again) of the peace that god has to offer. it is not in what i know or how i perform but it is about if i am faithful in showing up and allowing god to use those aspects of my dignity and depravity to minister to others and bring glory to his name. it is much less about myself and much more about god and others.

i'm counting my blessings because i'm realizing that god doesn't give up. he just keeps doing this good work in my life (in all our lives). i'm thankful that he sees beyond all my insecurities & shortcomings-- he sees beyond my stubborness and unwillingness to allow his spirit to move and he just keeps doing the work that needs to be done in spite of myself. today i am completely in awe of that truth. i am humbled and brought to my knees again because i realize i can't do anything with out him-- not anything of value, because when i try it always comes back around to me. i'm thankful that he doesn't fail to open my eyes to my sin, my selfishness but shows me so that i can choose a different path and so that i can choose (again) to follow and trust him. he is a good and benevolent god-- a god who allows me in my brokenness to serve. i am overwhelmed with so much thankfulness.

praise be to god.