Why aren't we more compassionate? This, a question I've been asking myself for years.
Below is a video featuring Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author, exploring his insights on compassionate responses in our culture. It seems rather bleak-- not completely hopeless but definitely disturbing. Goleman speaks to the reality that most of us only respond compassionately when we get something out of the interaction or what he coins as, "narcissistic hits". Yet, social-neuro scientists' research suggests that we are wired to actually act first on empathy-- our actual default is to help-- when we see someone in need our immediate response is one of empathy. The research shows that we automatically feel with the 'other'. So where is the disconnect? Technology, the psychological & sociological implications of group-think, low pay-off to narcissistic hits or something else? I'll let you take a listen and come to your own conclusions, but one interesting point made was that the human moment is one that has to be free of distraction which means we have to turn off our blackberrys, close our laptops and fully give our attention to the 'other'. The moment we open that cell phone to take that call the 'other' no longer exists. Crap. We're in trouble.
I'd like to also contend to the notion of self-care. By having our focus on all our technological tools we miss out personally on something too-- real, authentic, human connection. We miss out on actually knowing someone else and isn't that more interesting and compelling then facebook status updates, anyhow? In addition, staying plugged into twitter, facebook or any other application we use to get ourselves through the day or to feel a little more connected to something outside of ourselves also serves as an anesthetic to ourselves. I would argue that in order for us to really connect empathetically to someone else's story we need to know our own-- not run from it, but engage it, dig into it, get familiar with it, because what we'll find is a thread that links us to a greater humanity.
Monday, July 13, 2009
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2 comments:
I love, love, love these words: "...to really connect empathetically to someone else's story we need to know our own-- not run from it, but engage it, dig into it, get familiar with it, because what we'll find is a thread that links us to a greater humanity." YES!
I would also add that, to dig so deeply into one's own story requires the "other." We cannot truly know ourselves except in relation to one another. Introspection and self-reflection are hugely important but must also be done in balance with participation of the other. Otherwise, "self-awareness" is actually just self-absorption, loneliness, and isolation - just more narcissm.
Hmmm... can you tell I have some thoughts on this matter? :)
laurie,
so good... you are right! the participation and collaboration of the other actually keeps us in balance from the pitfalls of narcissism, self-absorption and isolation. as most things, this is a full-circle involving the need for relationship-- we can never truly see ourselves without the reflection of others. so why the hell do we run the other direction? i've found that this is risky work. it requires vulnerability and transparency that most often scares the sh@# out of us. yet, the glorious thing is this-- if we are faithful we access ourselves and others. beautiful... magnificent... and yet, the thing we avoid most often. so what do i do with one handful of grief and the other with hope?
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