God is good.

Today i've been reflecting on this past year, my story and the people God has brought into my life. It is amazing to see the change that God has orchestrated in the last 2 years. He's brought to us a new community, new family, new baby, new perspective... I'm overwhelmed as I reflect on his faithfulness to us. Today I spent some time with a good friend. She is a friend who makes me think, who processes with me, who encourages me, who celebrates me and who recognizes all the changes in me. She is truly a reflection of God's face in my life. She offers grace, mercy, truth, wisdom, love and care. God brought her into my life to cultivate growth and redemption.

As I was talking with her, I realized all these changes that had been going on inside me (on a personal level). I'm getting ready to speak in a few weeks and I've really been reflecting on why i'm in the place where I am ready to speak and share what God has laid on my heart. I've been at Quest now for two years and for the first year and a half I've kind of functioned out of my fears and doubts. After I came back from my maternity leave I felt like my weaknesses were magnified ten fold. I felt so insecure, so unsure of my calling and the purpose God has for my life that I even questioned his ability to use me for his redemptive purposes. I started reading Luke. Luke 7 has one of the most beautiful stories in the Bible. It is the story when Jesus is annointed by a sinful woman. I love this story. In fact, when I was in seminary I wrote a song about her. In the past when I've read this story I simply focused on the beauty of this woman's sacrifice and her great love for Christ. The interplay between her love and faith in Christ and Christ's offering of grace and acceptance is amazing. But this time around I saw some things I hadn't recognized before. First of all, this woman was truly bold. Her life of adultery and sin is specifically underlined in this text. I think it is important to recognize that because of the culture she would not be accepted. In that time, she could have been stoned for approaching a teacher, a man especially in light of her sin. Secondly, she is a woman. Women in those times rarely approached men in this manner. Her actions could have been easily mis-interpreted. And in fact, they were mis-interpreted by the Pharisees. But Jesus sees her heart. He recognizes her love. Her faith and belief in His ministry and his life is acknowledged by Jesus. In turn, Jesus offers forgiveness and grace. I'm blown away by her boldness to take the risk to approach Jesus. The risks included her being killed, humiliated, rejected, scorned and persecuted. I think she was aware of that reality and yet she went to him. Her actions are bold. She took a jar of very expensive perfume and poured it over Jesus, she washed his feet with her tears, and wiped them with her hair. These are courageous actions. When we truly love we are willing to sacrifice all the risks that are involved.

Looking at this past year and realizing that I respond out of fear, rather than love is pretty convicting. In my fears I doubt the purpose God has given my life. I don't trust His calling. I'm afraid to be bold because of how it may be interpreted. So I stay still, low-key, afraid. God is calling me to live boldly, to trust his leading and to believe in his purpose for my life. He calls me to discernment, wisdom and to using my voice.

Pretty cool.