11 years and counting...
June 29, 2007 marks our 11 year anniversary. Wow! How the time flies! Just 11 short years ago Frank and I shared vows and covenanted the rest of our lives to one another. I look back at these eleven years and I am completely humbled and moved and reminded of the significant exchange of commitment we made to each other that day.
I can't say that the last 11 years have been smooth sailing... It has come with its fair share of ups and downs. The time has had its toll on our relationship. From wedding day to graduate school to small stint in Navy to parenting to more life transitions and so on... Yes, we've shared life's joys and life's sorrows-- together. I think that is why it makes life all the more doable! Because we have weathered so much together. On the other hand, I am reminded that marriage is not easy. It is the deepest, most significant and most difficult calls of life. The 11 years have reminded me of that... and that reminder keeps me humble and helps me to remember that we still have to make the space for love, care, and strength to be cultivated in our relationship. Even after 11 years it is not just second nature for us to give sacrificially to one another-- it is an act that we have to continue to seek after and walk carefully in faith.
This blog entry is really a tribute to my husband. I am a lucky woman to have Frank as my husband. We have had tremendously difficult times in life and my husband has continued to stay consistent in offering hope amidst all of it. I am also a pastor, a counselor amongst other things and those are not easy roles not only for myself but mostly not easy on Frank and my family. Most people don't see the tireless way in which he supports me-- even when I am weary, frustrated, unavailable, busy, demanded of, irritable and ungracious. He continues to fight for me like no one ever has ever done in my life. I deeply appreciate his patience and diligence in seeing beyond my flaws and seeing the potential I embody. So as I reflect on 11 wonderfully full years I remember today that where I am today is in large part due to the support, care, and faithful love I have received from my husband. I am looking forward to the next eleven years with Frank with awe, anticipation and wonder.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I'm sick of Paris.
Seriously, the media coverage on the saga of Paris Hilton and her impending jail time is really annoying to me and a huge waste of time. It looks like that although for so long we've sent the message-- if you have money and you're an important person by celebrity standards you can do anything you want and get a way with it-- Paris will not slide under the radar without paying her dues and consequences by serving time in jail behind bars. I am so glad that in this case the judge ordered her to come back and spend her time in jail. I really have no sympathy or compassion for her situation. Maybe that seems calloused of me, but I really don't care. I think that any time someone decides to be irresponsible and step behind a wheel after drinking and gets caught the consequences must be severe.
Last year a friend of ours got drunk at the local bar in small town USA. He got behind the wheel at about 2:00 am with a woman friend in the passenger seat. Approximately 10 minutes later he wrapped his car around a semi-truck that was parked along the side of the freeway entrance. When the EMT's arrived at the scene the passenger of our friend's vehicle was already dead. Meanwhile he was air lifted to Harborview where he spent the next week in critical condition and on life support. During that week his family was at his side. His two young sons, ages 23 and 21 and 12 year old daughter were there to watch as the doctors declared there was no more to be done and removed him from life support system.
To this day I still struggle to reconcile that situation in my mind. I struggle to find grace and forgiveness for something that was completely preventable. This man, our friend had served on worship team, the leadership team and as an elder in our previous church. He had a young family who still needed the guidance and presence of their father. I especially think of his 12 year old daughter who will spend the rest of her years without the nurture of her father in her life. And this is the legacy he left behind. Their last memory of him would be this irresponsible act that took two lives.
Recently another close friend of mine got a DUI. He was sent to jail. After being released he was bogged down with the inconvenience of more court appearances and alcohol assessments and feeling discouraged and annoyed he was having difficulty not feeling like the system was too tough on him. I had the privilege of telling him how completely blessed he was-- that amidst the running around from one court room to another class to another parole officer, etc. he was completely blessed. "You see", I said, "you get to walk a way this time. You get to WALK. No one was hurt or killed. You get to walk. God's blessing is upon you and you get the chance to turn it around right now and change". Yeah, not the most exciting thing to hear when you're discouraged and annoyed, but that is the truth-- God blesses us by opening our eyes to make the appropriate changes in order to be the best stewards with the gifts he's given us.
All that to say, I think we all make dumb choices with the thought that it won't hurt anyone and only we will know about it so it's no big deal and that even includes grossly irresponsible acts such as drinking and driving. Yet, God keeps giving second chances, ones I hope we will grab on to in order to use all that we are and all that we have to bring glory and blessing. My friend who died doesn't get that second chance but I hope to learn from his story and share it that it might help us all to be responsible in all that we do.
Seriously, the media coverage on the saga of Paris Hilton and her impending jail time is really annoying to me and a huge waste of time. It looks like that although for so long we've sent the message-- if you have money and you're an important person by celebrity standards you can do anything you want and get a way with it-- Paris will not slide under the radar without paying her dues and consequences by serving time in jail behind bars. I am so glad that in this case the judge ordered her to come back and spend her time in jail. I really have no sympathy or compassion for her situation. Maybe that seems calloused of me, but I really don't care. I think that any time someone decides to be irresponsible and step behind a wheel after drinking and gets caught the consequences must be severe.
Last year a friend of ours got drunk at the local bar in small town USA. He got behind the wheel at about 2:00 am with a woman friend in the passenger seat. Approximately 10 minutes later he wrapped his car around a semi-truck that was parked along the side of the freeway entrance. When the EMT's arrived at the scene the passenger of our friend's vehicle was already dead. Meanwhile he was air lifted to Harborview where he spent the next week in critical condition and on life support. During that week his family was at his side. His two young sons, ages 23 and 21 and 12 year old daughter were there to watch as the doctors declared there was no more to be done and removed him from life support system.
To this day I still struggle to reconcile that situation in my mind. I struggle to find grace and forgiveness for something that was completely preventable. This man, our friend had served on worship team, the leadership team and as an elder in our previous church. He had a young family who still needed the guidance and presence of their father. I especially think of his 12 year old daughter who will spend the rest of her years without the nurture of her father in her life. And this is the legacy he left behind. Their last memory of him would be this irresponsible act that took two lives.
Recently another close friend of mine got a DUI. He was sent to jail. After being released he was bogged down with the inconvenience of more court appearances and alcohol assessments and feeling discouraged and annoyed he was having difficulty not feeling like the system was too tough on him. I had the privilege of telling him how completely blessed he was-- that amidst the running around from one court room to another class to another parole officer, etc. he was completely blessed. "You see", I said, "you get to walk a way this time. You get to WALK. No one was hurt or killed. You get to walk. God's blessing is upon you and you get the chance to turn it around right now and change". Yeah, not the most exciting thing to hear when you're discouraged and annoyed, but that is the truth-- God blesses us by opening our eyes to make the appropriate changes in order to be the best stewards with the gifts he's given us.
All that to say, I think we all make dumb choices with the thought that it won't hurt anyone and only we will know about it so it's no big deal and that even includes grossly irresponsible acts such as drinking and driving. Yet, God keeps giving second chances, ones I hope we will grab on to in order to use all that we are and all that we have to bring glory and blessing. My friend who died doesn't get that second chance but I hope to learn from his story and share it that it might help us all to be responsible in all that we do.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
here goes...
After many months and many long night meetings and different conversations about ideas and theories about a merger between Quest and Interbay church-- here it is this Sunday, June 3rd our first service together as one church. It is an exciting time for the Quest community. We are gaining so much in depth from our brothers and sisters at Interbay. As a pastor at Quest church, I have been completely humbled by this tremendous gift and sacrifice by our brothers and sisters next door. They are giving much in order to further the kingdom of God. They are giving themselves completely to God's spirit as they trust that their vision to be a community who 'sends' others out for the gospel will remain alive and thriving among men and women they are finally getting to know after all these years. It is amazing!!
On Sunday, we had a service time (one which we have about 1-2 times a year) to allow the larger congregation to share their scripture and encouragement to their community in hopes of cultivating a culture of blessing each other through our words, thoughts, insights-- those things that God lays upon our hearts. It was a wonderful time and beautiful time to hear from so many as they expressed their struggles, their passions, their desire to follow God.
What came to mind for me as we prepare our hearts for the merging of two bodies coming together as one was given to me in the scripture: Ephesians 4:1-7.
It reads:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.
This Sunday was the last Sunday for Quest-- as we've known it. We will be changing our space, joining in community with another church and as a result let's face it we will change as a community. And although the change is a good one-- it is a change and one that deserves to be marked, remembered, and moved through in grace and faith. I am reminded that Quest although diverse in many ways-- we will become that much more diverse in the merging of these different bodies.
As we have prepared to the best of our human abilities through the LT, church forums, membership meetings and transitional team I think in the back of our minds we still wonder how will this work-- we are different. Our stories, our experiences, our ideas well they are different so when the rubber meets the road what will this look like in the end?
I remember my first ordination class (called Theological Distinctives) in Denver. The instructors had us stand up introduce ourselves and share our church background. As people shared I began to realize that the ECC is a diverse denomination of people from all kinds of different church backgrounds. There were people who were traditionally Pentecostal, Baptist, Episcoplian, Presbyterian and more... And in the back of my mind I wondered how does this work that people who are so different can come together to serve together as one church. And then I learned that in the ECC's theological distinctives that at the heart of their beliefs was: unity in Christ. Unity in Christ-- what freedom! No matter where we fell in our beliefs on the administration of sacraments, whether we were believers of infant baptism or believer baptism, how we felt about women in leadership-- at the heart of it all there was freedom because we believe we are one in Christ and that is what binds us one to another.
And this word applies to us (Quest Church and Interbay)-- that although different in history, stories, experiences and backgrounds-- we are in fact bound together because of what Christ has done for us on the cross. It is that grace-- that love-- that mercy that makes us one. Our missions, our visions, our agendas are not what make us a church it is in fact, the work of Christ. We are united with him, in him and together as one.
After many months and many long night meetings and different conversations about ideas and theories about a merger between Quest and Interbay church-- here it is this Sunday, June 3rd our first service together as one church. It is an exciting time for the Quest community. We are gaining so much in depth from our brothers and sisters at Interbay. As a pastor at Quest church, I have been completely humbled by this tremendous gift and sacrifice by our brothers and sisters next door. They are giving much in order to further the kingdom of God. They are giving themselves completely to God's spirit as they trust that their vision to be a community who 'sends' others out for the gospel will remain alive and thriving among men and women they are finally getting to know after all these years. It is amazing!!
On Sunday, we had a service time (one which we have about 1-2 times a year) to allow the larger congregation to share their scripture and encouragement to their community in hopes of cultivating a culture of blessing each other through our words, thoughts, insights-- those things that God lays upon our hearts. It was a wonderful time and beautiful time to hear from so many as they expressed their struggles, their passions, their desire to follow God.
What came to mind for me as we prepare our hearts for the merging of two bodies coming together as one was given to me in the scripture: Ephesians 4:1-7.
It reads:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.
This Sunday was the last Sunday for Quest-- as we've known it. We will be changing our space, joining in community with another church and as a result let's face it we will change as a community. And although the change is a good one-- it is a change and one that deserves to be marked, remembered, and moved through in grace and faith. I am reminded that Quest although diverse in many ways-- we will become that much more diverse in the merging of these different bodies.
As we have prepared to the best of our human abilities through the LT, church forums, membership meetings and transitional team I think in the back of our minds we still wonder how will this work-- we are different. Our stories, our experiences, our ideas well they are different so when the rubber meets the road what will this look like in the end?
I remember my first ordination class (called Theological Distinctives) in Denver. The instructors had us stand up introduce ourselves and share our church background. As people shared I began to realize that the ECC is a diverse denomination of people from all kinds of different church backgrounds. There were people who were traditionally Pentecostal, Baptist, Episcoplian, Presbyterian and more... And in the back of my mind I wondered how does this work that people who are so different can come together to serve together as one church. And then I learned that in the ECC's theological distinctives that at the heart of their beliefs was: unity in Christ. Unity in Christ-- what freedom! No matter where we fell in our beliefs on the administration of sacraments, whether we were believers of infant baptism or believer baptism, how we felt about women in leadership-- at the heart of it all there was freedom because we believe we are one in Christ and that is what binds us one to another.
And this word applies to us (Quest Church and Interbay)-- that although different in history, stories, experiences and backgrounds-- we are in fact bound together because of what Christ has done for us on the cross. It is that grace-- that love-- that mercy that makes us one. Our missions, our visions, our agendas are not what make us a church it is in fact, the work of Christ. We are united with him, in him and together as one.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Bloggersphere and more...
So I committed to myself & to you (even though you didn't know it AND i'm not sure if there is a you because who knows who or if anyone reads this thing) to at least have one new blog entry a week. I felt I owed it to the world to get my thoughts out there. I have a distinct feeling that blogs should have meaning and purpose and a reason for being in cyberspace. Sometimes I don't know what the purpose of my blog is... I don't want to just blog about what I'm wearing and when my next big bowl of pho will be consumed... I want it to be meaningful and send a message of worthy publication... Somedays I don't write because maybe all I'd have to say is monotonous drivel and I think that the only one who would benefit from that post would be myself. As my thoughts pinged around in my head about the meaning of blogs (particularly mine) I realized it came from a deeper place inside me. Let's just say the blog is a metaphor for my life. So here I find myself writing a much more personal post about my fears and insecurities. Exciting stuff!
Maybe you too, can relate to this feeling? Can you or am I heading down this very slippery narcisstic slope towards peril? You know that feeling of worth and value? I definately don't want to be like some blogs out there-- without purpose, meaning and something of value to God and this world. But how do you reconcile the three: 1) those fears that are innately floating around in all of us, 2) the reality it's got nothing at all to do with you and your abilities and 3) the truth that God has created all of us with purpose and intent. How do you step out and risk the unknown praying that you're within His will to fulfill his greater commandments to love him and others? I think i've got some ideas on that-- something to do with faith-- maybe.
So I committed to myself & to you (even though you didn't know it AND i'm not sure if there is a you because who knows who or if anyone reads this thing) to at least have one new blog entry a week. I felt I owed it to the world to get my thoughts out there. I have a distinct feeling that blogs should have meaning and purpose and a reason for being in cyberspace. Sometimes I don't know what the purpose of my blog is... I don't want to just blog about what I'm wearing and when my next big bowl of pho will be consumed... I want it to be meaningful and send a message of worthy publication... Somedays I don't write because maybe all I'd have to say is monotonous drivel and I think that the only one who would benefit from that post would be myself. As my thoughts pinged around in my head about the meaning of blogs (particularly mine) I realized it came from a deeper place inside me. Let's just say the blog is a metaphor for my life. So here I find myself writing a much more personal post about my fears and insecurities. Exciting stuff!
Maybe you too, can relate to this feeling? Can you or am I heading down this very slippery narcisstic slope towards peril? You know that feeling of worth and value? I definately don't want to be like some blogs out there-- without purpose, meaning and something of value to God and this world. But how do you reconcile the three: 1) those fears that are innately floating around in all of us, 2) the reality it's got nothing at all to do with you and your abilities and 3) the truth that God has created all of us with purpose and intent. How do you step out and risk the unknown praying that you're within His will to fulfill his greater commandments to love him and others? I think i've got some ideas on that-- something to do with faith-- maybe.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The Pursuit of Happyness
This weekend while I was under the weather with a severe cold I got the chance to watch the movie: The Pursuit of Happyness. For some reason, I found myself crying like a baby through out the entire movie. It was a sad movie mostly because the main character, Chris Gardner (played by Will Smith), had come on to some heavy times from unemployment, to figuring out a way to make a better life for his son, to homelessness, to sleeping in the subway bathroom overnight, to job internship without pay and so on... I felt very connected to the main character on so many levels especially as a parent and a fellow journeyer on the path of the pursuit of happyness. At one point in the film Chris sees business men and women in downtown NY and concludes that they all look happy and it was there where the film was making the connection: money= happyness. Chris sees a guy driving a sports car and says, "Hey what do you do?" And the sports car driver says, "I'm a stockbrocker". At that point Chris says, "Everyone seemed so happy". Everyone was referring to the men and women in business suits and ties, walking in and out of a down town building with very heavy brief cases and very wide smiles. It is at this point of the movie where Chris decides he must try life as a stock brocker since other avenues of work are not coming to fruition. Okay so that's a brief synopsis of the movie, but my exploration on a personal note had to do with this whole pursuit thing...
It seems to me that money (especially in this case) would have helped out a whole bunch in helping his family financially, finding housing stability and so on, thus giving peace of mind and a sense of happiness but can money really bring deep, soul contentment and happiness? Even being a Christian on the path of following the example of Christ and deepening my faith in God-- I find that I'm still in pursuit. And maybe that is what saddened me while watching this movie-- I see myself and the world around scratching around trying to find some inner peace, some joy, some happiness-- yet at times coming up so empty handed.
Maybe the true pursuit needs to be in finding connection with God despite whatever outcomes would come in our journey. Let's face it our quest for God doesn't always give us the warm, fuzzy feelings we always expect or desire but somehow in our faithfulness & steadfastness to the call I believe that it can give us the depth and contentment that only that kind of commitment can bring.
Oswald Chambers says, "Joy comes from seeing the complete fulfillment of the specific purpose for which I was created and born again, not from successfully doing something of my own choosing. The joy our Lord ecperienced came from doing what the Father sent Him to do. And He says to us, 'As the Father has sent Me, I also send you (John 20:21)'.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Picture of 'To the Streets' on 15th and MarketTo the Streets: One person, one heart at a time
Today was our monthly scheduled time to minister to the homeless through our ministry 'To the Streets'. We've been doing this for about two and a half years now. Over the past 7 years of working with the homeless I've always wondered to myself: what kind of change or transformation does this work bring to people? In fact, more often than not I'm questioned by people in our community about the work we are attempting to do through 'to the streets'. They are good, valid questions about what kind of 'real' impact are we making, what we should expect in people's lives after a certain point of helping them, etc. These are questions I often ask myself. In the past few months I've been reminded of the small steps sometimes it takes to love people. I am reminded of Christ's ministry and how he pressed forward to care for people regardless of the outcomes, especially those outcomes we can only measure with human eyes.
Then today a man who'd we worked with for the past two years came out to volunteer his time for 'To the Streets'. Ken is someone who has struggled for years with a variety of layers of homelessness-- some of the struggle having to do with chemical dependency, mental health/illness, unemployment and more. He shared how he was clean and sober and has housing in South Seattle and how the people at Quest has impacted his decision to get his life back on track. He proclaimed how he desired to get baptized and become a member of the church and how it was an opportunity for him to give back in some small way. Beyond his words the transformation in his life was so evident and clear and a testimony to all of us of Christ's work in his life. I am blessed that we had a small impact on this transformative process, but more importantly I am excited to be on the other side with him to celebrate this wonderful work. It is a testimony to me that we just don't know the work of the Spirit in every human heart. We must be faithful by believing and showing up to extend our lives in service, but not because we'll have any way to measure the work but in humility as we remember that God's Spirit is working on a level we can't sometimes see or understand. The testimony of our friend, Ken*, is evidence of that work. Who knew that a pair of socks or small tube of toothpaste could be such a window into the larger work of God?
*name has been changed to protect his identity
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