counting blessings

a new year and with a new year comes much reflection and contemplation on life, the future, the past, the present, family and more. i think when you are in ministry there is always this fine line of losing perspective on the growth that has taken place in your life, as well as the maturity that needs to continue to grow in your heart, mind and soul. i know that in the busy life i lead that i get too easily caught up on those things that don't really matter like how i perform and if i remain good enough in the daily tasks of my life-- as opposed to being pliable and moldable in my life-- to be used as i am called in each moment. i easily rely on my own strengths and capabilities and forget that i first need to lean on god for all strength, peace, wisdom and understanding. and although this seems to be a reoccuring theme and lesson in my life-- i forget all too easily.

this last saturday we hosted a prayer service and i think that for the first time in a long time i came to an understanding or at least i was reminded (again) of the peace that god has to offer. it is not in what i know or how i perform but it is about if i am faithful in showing up and allowing god to use those aspects of my dignity and depravity to minister to others and bring glory to his name. it is much less about myself and much more about god and others.

i'm counting my blessings because i'm realizing that god doesn't give up. he just keeps doing this good work in my life (in all our lives). i'm thankful that he sees beyond all my insecurities & shortcomings-- he sees beyond my stubborness and unwillingness to allow his spirit to move and he just keeps doing the work that needs to be done in spite of myself. today i am completely in awe of that truth. i am humbled and brought to my knees again because i realize i can't do anything with out him-- not anything of value, because when i try it always comes back around to me. i'm thankful that he doesn't fail to open my eyes to my sin, my selfishness but shows me so that i can choose a different path and so that i can choose (again) to follow and trust him. he is a good and benevolent god-- a god who allows me in my brokenness to serve. i am overwhelmed with so much thankfulness.

praise be to god.

i don't want to give up my car!

the other day i spoke at spu's urban plunge breakfast about the issues of compassion, justice and homelessness. it was encouraging to see so many engaging on the topic. urban plunge is a program of spu where they send students out for 5 straight days to live among the homeless in seattle. they are out from 6 am to 2 am. it is long exhausting days, but they get a closer look at the experience of the homeless. and even though these men and women were completely exhausted they managed to engage the dialogue of justice, compassion, mercy and grace for the homeless.

i encouraged each one to allow this experience to inform them in every aspect of their lives and that as they 'leave' this experience to remember that 'leaving' was a privilege. for so many of the men, women and children they meet 'leaving' would be a difficult road and for some an impossible one.

in allowing the way we see the world influence how we act and how we care for those that are marginalized it requires us to go through the transformative process where stereotypes, stigmas and ideologies are deconstructed and are replaced with true reflections or statistical realities of homelessness, but most importantly they are replaced with stories, faces and names. it was an encouraging gathering and i was thankful to speak into each of these persons' lives about something i feel god has called me to and i look forward to my next speaking engagement in spring. yet, as i spoke about these issues i am confronted again with the question, 'how do i allow these stories to inform my life?' how do i allow the process of acknowledging poverty and understanding the pain that is associated with poverty to inform me in how i live? do i take a step back from this consumerist nature inside of me to live a life that is more simple? do i allow my privileges to educate me on how to vote or how developing areas in our city come as a cost to the poor? and again i stand convicted.

i live a pretty cush life. i think of all the times i've told men and women in case management to hop on a bus to get to this appointment or to that DSHS meeting... yet, i won't be inconvenienced by public transportation. i think i always use the excuse that i have a child so i need the ease of a car to safely get her here and there. yet, in the city of seattle 40% of the homeless are families. 58% are children under the age of 18-- they have no choice but to be inconvenienced by the bus system. the private means in which i get around is a privilege and sometimes it comes at the expense of others...

i'm not preaching that cars are bad or that people who drive cars are bad. i'm just challenging the status quo. i'm challenging the beliefs that we cling to that we need these luxuries not because they are a luxuries and make our lives easier but for the lies that this is the only way we could possibly live and any other way would be unacceptable. i'm asking that we all take a honest look at ourselves and admit to the fact that we don't want to be inconvenienced. and we've tricked ourselves into believing that we deserve to not be inconvenienced. it's part of the whole dichotomy process of saying that those who work hard deserve the convenience that cars and other forms of technology give us and those that don't do not deserve it. which in other words is stating that those who don't work hard are those who don't work and those who don't work are homeless. statistics show us that 44% of homeless people did some form of paid work last month and that in the city of seattle in order to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with rents at fair market value people would need to be paid $14.77 per hour (minimum wage is $7.63) or 3 full times jobs (or work up to 126 hours) in order to afford rent.

my point is: let's be honest we like our stuff and that is not a bad thing, but getting our 'stuff' might come at the expense of others. if we want downtown seattle renovated and redeveloped then it will come at the cost of homeless people being pushed out with one less area to live for lack of affordable housing.

not all of us will be able or willing to give up our cars or our condos or our laptops or whatever else makes our lives easier, but compassionate living is being honest with ourselves about where we stand and then make small changes in how we view the world. let's not set up lies about how we live in the u.s. you know the myths about how our society is fair or equal, but rather lets try to bridge the gap by using our privilege and blessing to make some else's life easier: it's much easier when you have a roof over your head, or food to eat or affordable housing. let's use our privilege as a means to educate the world around and advocate that others should have the same access to privileges that we have access to.

advent- the real reason for the season

this time of year is always a difficult one with all the high demands from our world to buy and to spend more and more on the newest and latest technologies, on electronics, on clothes, and toys and more. in the midst of all those demands finding time to reflect, to sit and to look on the year past, as well as keeping your eyes on the hope of tomorrow is difficult if you are not intentional about stopping to meditate on the true meaning of this time of year.
the day after thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year in the u.s. i didn't completely understand that phenomenon until thanksgiving day when my mom asked me if i wanted to go shopping on friday at 5 am. it was the most absurd idea i had ever heard. but i hid my desire to stay and sleep in my bed to be with my mom... and i thought to myself, "it is just one morning what's the big deal we'll be 2 of the dozen people who will be up that early". then we arrived at the mall and i looked at the parking lot and it was packed. in fact, on the way to the mall most shops were packed with cars and people and there were parking attendents trying to manage the traffic jam at every end of the parking lot-- and i thought to myself 'this is nuts'! we got inside and there were hundreds of people milling around and i remember feeling entirely disgusted-- why? what had we become? do i think shopping is wrong? no? but i do think that there is something to be said about a society that is motivated by spending money on things we don't really need. yet, when we see someone in need or we hear of stories about genocide or poverty or children starving in other places of the world we are frozen-- we do not act. the sense of urgency to get up and act comes at the thought of saving a few bucks to get every person on your list the perfect gift. and it is a great juxtaposition to see a world so complacent and satisfied at sitting still when there is another part of the world who simply struggle to eat.
i enjoy shopping just like the next person. ask any one of my friends-- i like shopping and buying. and that leaves me to question myself... i was up at 5 am and i reaped the benefits of hanging out at the mall that morning. and why is it so much easier to pick up and go out shopping and spend hours and hours looking at stuff you don't really need when i don't make the time to sit and drink in and reflect the birth of christ. does this time of year produce some kind of anesthetized sanctuary where we do not engage the greater world? if we are focused on our needs--our things-- our gifts-- our stuff why would we need to think of the greater world or others in it? or like jeff (quest intern wrote about on his blog)said how can we truly see a need for a savior or the hope of his birth when we can buy anything to subdue any need we might be feeling?
we've found a loop hole to redemption-- we can buy our own salvation. we can comfort any pain we might have by the numbing effect of buying some material possession in an attempt to feel satisfied and full.
this advent season is a reminder of our need. why would we anticipate the coming of our savior if we didn't need to be saved from anything? no amount of ipods, toys, jewelry or clothes will ever fill that void. christ has come to fill us. he has come to give us new life. he has come to fill us with grace and love. once we recognize that truth we can abandon our old ways to put on the ways of christ that we might join in his mission to fulfill his gospel to love his world. true love sacrifices his/her desires so that others can be elevated above themselves. i hope that i'm teaching my daughter something much greater than santa clause and reindeers-- i hope that i'm teaching her that the day we celebrate christmas commemorates the birth of a small babe who grew into a man and loved his creation with the purest of loves that he humbled himself in order that the world could be elevated.
come jesus come.

Not perfect, but lovely!

in my reflections today i realized that it is our values, our world views and our convictions that either draw us towards each other or propell us a way from each other. i sometimes wonder why relationships with different friends from high school or college do not really exist any more. partly i realize that it is due to space and where we are geographically situated, but even living near older friends does not necessarily mean that we share a relationship. and that is partially really sad, but i think also a natural, healthy progression of life. for those of you who know me and still keep in contact with me-- you know i'm generally a pretty passionate person (sometimes that can be overwhelming for those around me, as i tend to have strong opinions and often run off on tangents.) but none- the- less, i am passionate and strong in my ideas of justice, compassion, faith and advocacy (to name a few). i often preach that we need to be people who live out those values in our lives and i sometimes forget the diversity in which those values can be lived out. i generally think that means that people must fight for justice and compassion in similar ways that i do. which in a nut shell means: advocate for basic rights for people, fight for justice for the oppressed, offer compassion, kindness and a listening ear to the hurting, etc. and most often for me that falls in the following categories: homelessness, poverty, HIV/AIDS, basic human rights for those in areas of war, etc. and i am reminded today that those core values of social justice and compassion should not just be lived out in the above categories, but in all aspects of life. just because i have a passion for the homeless does not mean that the only area to live out justice & compassion is with the homeless, etc. but it can be lived out in the very context and life that you live in. today i went to the mom's group, a fellowship for moms at quest church, and someone shared their need to fight for the basic civil rights of their children. another mother talked about the need to fight and educate public schools on community and the need for each person to acknowledge each other in our diversities. how will our children learn if it is not from our example? imagine going to a school picnic or gathering and you not being acknowledged because your children are new to the school? how can our children learn to embrace one another if we don't acknowledge each other and embrace one another in their presence? do we perpetuate this idea of 'us' and 'them' which can be broken down into any category whether by race, class, religion, etc.? and taking these concerns and feedback to the principles and teachers (like these mothers are doing) is living out the values of justice, compassion and the gospel to love one another more than ourselves. even in the christian community we see these divides. divides based on tradition, socio economic status, physical ableness, race, etc. yet, christ keeps calling us to more and that's what it means to live out our faiths and do the hard work of building life together. we build in the stickiness, the difficulties, the misunderstandings, the hurts because we trust that in all of those things god is restoring us to each other and to himself. i have been fortunate to find a community, a family that is certainly not perfect, but is genuinly lovely because they are striving to reflect that face of christ to each other by not just sharing the gospel through words, but through the harder process of 'doing' life with dignity and the thin reality that there is hope in our god. i pray that god will continue to stretch us, challenge us, break us and turn his will on us that we would be deepened in how we see him, how we see each other and how we see our world.

praise be to god!

a word

it's been two weeks since i've come back from thailand and i slowly feel my old memory losing bits and pieces from the trip. details of the trip are becoming hazy in this old memory. getting back into the life here in seattle keeps demands on my time that makes it hard for me to remember, but i continue to find ways to hold on to the dear people of burma and thailand.

today at quest the service was dedicated to the team that went to thailand to share testimonies of what we'd experienced, heard and seen. one of our team members, rich, put together a short film of the trip. as we were watching the video there were scenes of our time in the refugee camps and immediately my heart felt joy, sadness, peace and goodness and i began to weep out of thanksgiving to be a part of such a blessed thing.

in our travels to different places people would ask the pastors to share, to teach and to preach. i was asked to preach for a church in sangkla buri (on the southern end of thailand/ burma border). immediately i asked myself: who am i to speak into a world i know nothing about? and it is truly only by the grace of god that he gave me the words to speak and teach. the next portion is an excerpt from the teaching. i share it with you in hopes that it'll encourage you, my dear brothers and sisters. i hope that it'll challenge all of us, as we continue to pursue god. i pray that we see unity with all our brothers and sisters of this world: even those we'll never meet or see.
blessings!
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Genesis 32:22-32

Thank you so much for having us today. It is our pleasure to come and to commune with you this Sunday morning. I also want to share that your music, your songs have been a great blessing and have ministered to us during our visit. Your people sing such beautiful songs and we carry those songs close to our hearts. We are humbled to be among you today, as we believe that it is not most imporant that we come teach you, but that it is more important for us to learn in your presence. In fact, this is very much a learning experience for our team. We want to learn more about your stories. We want to hear more about your lives. We want to be challenged more by hearing about your faithfulness to God so that we can learn to trust more deeply in our personal relationships with our Father. Time and time again we have seen God's love in you through your graciousness and hospitality to each of us from Seattle.
We come from a small church in Seattle. We have traveled all along the border to come visit you. I am a pastor at that church. When I was asked to speak and to teach today I wondered what it is I might share. I asked myself how do I speak into your lives when I know so little about what your lives look like each day. I struggled because I knew that as much as I have to teach I have much more to learn. So I am humbled by this opportunity to stand before you today. I don't know what your daily challenges are and it woud be foolish of my to say I know or understand what you face-- what trials you deal with, what struggles you wrestle through, what challenges that meet you each day. It would be dishonest of me to say that I understand your oppression and the persecution you face or the losses you endure, because I do not. I come from a very different context from the western world, but I am assured of two thing. The first is that you and I are brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ our Lord. Because of his grace and mercy he has afforded us through His life, death and resurrection we have an opportunity to be a part of the family of God. And it his love that binds us together. Because of that love and kinship we have a responsibility to each other. We have the responsiblity to care for one another, to love one another and to spur each other on to spiritual growth and maturity. You my friends have the responsibility to teach us and to share with us your faith, your trust, your belief in our maker. And we (from Seattle) have the responsibilty to you to advocate for the freedom and release of your people. We have the responsibility to care for you in your struggle through prayer and by telling our church, our family, our friends in Seattle the struggles that you face. We do not take that responsibility lightly. We will stand with you and join you in your fight for the rights of your people. We will tell our church to join you in prayer, in encouragement and in admonishing each other to the face of Christ.
Secondly, I am reminded that although I do not know all of your struggles what I do know is that both you and I are human. And in the truth of our humanity we share certain commonalities of the human condition. As humans we share in similar feelings, desires and temptations. We all desire to be loved and cared for. We desire to belong and to be known and to be connected to something bigger than ourselves. We desire to have security and a hope of a future. And on the other side of the coin we experience similar feelings of temptation, disobedience and distrust. Sometimes when we face hardships it is very easy for us to lose faith in God. It is easy for us to grow bitter and angry and resentful and in those feelings turn our face from God. Yet, God in His goodness and love continues to extend himself to us even when we are reluctant to give our lives fully over to Him.
Today we will be reading from Genesis 32:22-32. I think there is much to be learned from Jacob and the relationship he establishes with God. In this particular part of the story we see that Jacob has his first physical encounter with God. Up until this point God is more a deity of his family line, of his tradition and it is at this stand off where God meets Jacob. When you look at the story of Jacob you realize that this guy is pretty messed up. In fact, the family blessing and birth right that he has received has been obtained through deceit and lies. He first gives his brother some soup in exhange for his birth right and then later in life with the help of his mother he tricks his father in order to obtain the family blessing. From there he flees his home out of fear for his life. And we see that it is in this encounter that God really chooses Jacob to be the leader of the Israelite people. His leadership and blessing really has nothing to do with his prior obtainment of these traditions (although they do tell us a lot about the cultural implications) but more have to do with this physical encounter of God. This is the first physical encounter with God of this type. When I think of a good leader I think of someone who is honest, strong and wise. When I think of Jacob those characteristics do not come to mind, especially in the first part of this story because he is deceitful in obtaining these rights, he is fearful and flees for his life (as opposed to repenting for his sin) and he is unwise in his dealing with his relationships. Yet, God sees much more in Jacob than you and I see. And the truth is it is a reminder to us that it is through God's strength and power that Israel is led not by Jacob or Abraham or Isaac, but through the divine nature of God.
Also we see that not only is this the moment that God chooses Jacob, but it is the moment that Jacob chooses God. As stated earlier, the worship, belief and adoption of God was very much part of the tradition of the Israelite people and the family line of Abraham. For Jacob's family line God was a very important part of their history, their story, their faith, their survival. So this is a very important part of the story because what we see here is Jacob making God his own-- not only out of tradition and part of his heritage, but out of the desire to know God from a personal persepective.
You see Jacob could have just received God as part of his heritage or tradition, but he chooses to make God his own by not letting go until he was blessed by God. This was probably the most honest act of Jacob. I've found through my work with people that in order for us to get our way we find ways to manipulate those around us or we try to manipulate God to do what we want-- we don't very often speak out directly or honestly about what we want or need or desire. In this account we see Jacob honestly and boldly tell God that he will not let him go until he is blessed. This is a very tense moment in the story because we know that God could have broke Jacob in two. Who was this dishonest, fearful guy telling God what to do? But God honors him by staying. And because God stayed, wrestled and in the end blessed Jacob it is an indication that God not only desires to be our God through tradition and through our histories but he desires to be our God through a personal relationship and encounter with Him.
God desires intimacy with His people. He desires each one of us to come to him not out of obligation, but out of the desire to want to make God our own. I was raised in a Christian home. It was always such an odd thing trying to figure out my faith because in so many ways my faith seemed like it was just an extension of my parents' faith and I have had to learn and acknowledge the fact that God wants my obedience to him because I personally love him-- not just simply because it comes out of the model of my parents (although that is important, too). He met Jacob and honored Jacob's boldness because it was a step in the direction of stating with His actions 'I want you to be my father. In addition to being the God of my father and forefather I want you to be my God and today I make you mine through this struggle of wills-- bless me!' Interestingly enough, God wrestles, He stays, He blesses him and he renames Jacob. God also gives Jacob evidence of this encounter by wrenching his hip. It is evidence that God does meet with us.
Today I encourage you brothers and sisters to wrestle God. I encourage your to struggle with him through your trials and questioning. Do not disengage! It is easy out of our pain and our hardships to move farther from God in isolation, but God wants us to come to him in our hard times. It would be easy to say well our parents, our church, our pastors tell us we must obey, we must trust God so we must adopt this simply out of duty to our faith histories, but God will honor our requests on a personal level (that does not necessarily mean he gives always gives us what we want, but it means that he shows up when we ask him). There is no better time than in our struggles to draw near to God, because as we have seen with Jacob, God will draw near to us. God is a personal, intimate God who longs to not only know us as part of a larger community of believers or family, but he wants to know us and acknowledge us as individuals made in his divine image.
We as brothers and sisters have the responsibility to spur each other on towards the face of Christ. Your brothers and sisters from Seattle do not take that lightly. We will join in your struggle. We will tell our church and our families of your struggle. And we will pray for you through this oppression. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your service today. We have learned so much about trust and grace through your generosity and hospitality towards each of us.
Let us pray.

in the presence of greatness

along our trip to thailand we were able to meet many wonderful people. from lawyers working to pursue the rights of children and women exploited in sex trade and human trafficking to noble peace prize nominees. we met pastors, teachers, education administrators, community leaders and missionaries. it was so nice to hear about each ones experiences, perspectives and thoughts on the issues of thailand and burma. it was good to see their deep passion and heavy hearts for the men, women and children who are so vulnerable to this region.

one of the common problems for those who are migrating into thailand is the lack of national id. if you have no id-- you do not exist. this leaves so many vulnerable to human trafficking, especially children and young women. many of the young women who are trafficked into the sex industry come from hill tribes where poverty is so common and the opportunity for economic advancement is non-existent. recruiters from bangkok and chaing mai travel to these regions and convice families that they have work for their daughters. parents believe this to be their only opportunity for security for their daughters, as well as income for their families so they allow their children to go. typically what happens is that these women are taken into the city, raped and groomed for prostitution. and because they have no id, no national identity they have no rights. they are not protected under the law-- in thailand they do not exist. one organization we met with called new life center helps assist women in getting out. upon leaving they move to the center, learn a new trade and are hopefully reunited with their families and villages. some women were taken so young that they can't remember their village name or where exactly their village was located so they never will be able to be re-united with their families. this is the painful reality of so many...

the far-reaching river of life

it's not even been a week since i've come back from thailand. and life just keeps ticking along as if all that i've seen and experienced happened in some far off dream, but it was just a week ago that i was sitting in different refugee camps and praying that i would be a source of encouragement and friendship to the beautiful men, women and children we met a long the way. my deepest fear in coming home is that i would be swept up and under this current of life in the states-- that i would get overwhelmed in the everyday tasks of my life in seattle and would forget the sweetness, the stillness of God's spirit both in and with the refugees, internally displaced people and externally displaced people in burma and thailand. and it would be easy and an enticing temptation to slowly forget-- to get back to life and leave that part of my life as some bad dream in the past. but i vowed to god and myself upon all that i had seen that i would not forget and i could not forget, because in seeing and partaking in this bitter and sweet part of the journey this required much responibility on my part to act on behalf of my brothers and sisters... to speak, to remember, to pray and to share the story... this was not some humanitarian stop off, but god requires more in all he allows us to participate in. we can choose apathy, but i pray that god would press us onward and that we would answer in obedience to follow him-- even when we don't know where he is leading us.

so here i am first day back to work and my mind keeps wandering back to two weeks ago. i'm using my blogs to not only help me remember and document the journey, but also to share these stories with you, as there are so many to tell.

the trip was a whirlwind of activity. the first two days we met with about 10 NGO's, missionaries and other church ministries from there we traveled about 7 days down the thai/burma border. rich, our fearless team leader, set up our contacts along the thai/burma border. our first visit was to cross the border into burma and visit a refugee camp called Lah Ber Hur. lah ber hur has been there for about 4 years and in that time has been burnt down twice. there were 700 people who lived there at the time of our visit and the conditions are very unstable. there is no telling how long the internally displaced people (IDP's) will be able to stay there... they live on a very thin thread of security and are constantly aware of the reality that at any moment the SPDC could come and burn down their camp. Yet, they remain faithful and dedicated to their first and foremost mission to provide education for the future of their children. they were so gracious to us, as they allowed us to stop off and see the children in school. they invited us to sing, share stories and teach. definately the highlight of our trip!! the children sang us a song that translated in english said, 'you on my right you are lovely. you on my left you are lovely. if you love your neighbor you are lovely.' i still have the tune jangling around in my head. they took us around the village and allowed us to visit the medical clinic. we walked around and if you looked closely on the wall there were different educational posters for the villagers. the most disturbing of all was posters to educate parents on the various types of landmines to teach their children about... there were a variety and the children were shown with big, bold x's what could be deadly if touched. amidst all of this, people were smiling and greeting us and allowing us to be a part of the world-- if only for a day. and it felt so wrong. as a mother, i thought of my daughter and the priveledge i have in the states to provide all the security and safety i can afford. i don't have to worry or fear of military weapons geared to harm children or unsuspecting victims in addition to all the 'regular' things you try to do to ensure the safety of your children. i don't have to worry that sometime in the night someone might come burn down my home and my family would be displaced and on the run for our lives in the jungle. i don't have to be afraid of what future i can secure for my child... in fact, i can bank on the fact that she will have opportunities for a bright future in education, employment and to live out her dreams. i don't have to worry that somewhere in the night she will be stolen and sold either for slave or sex labor. all these things are a world a way from you and i. yet, this is what the karen people face everyday. it is not what you will see on their faces or in their attitudes. instead what sticks out in my mind is their singing. every morning from 5 am to late in the night (around 10 pm) there was singing of worship althrough out the camp. can we sing even in the hardships and trials of life? will we sing? there is much to be learned...