Ash Wednesday-- a start to lent.
Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Repent and believe the gospel of Jesus Christ our Savior.
Today is Ash Wednesday and we (the entire family) attended a 7 am Ash Wednesday service at the church. It has always been important to me to take some real time to reflect on what the lenten season means and what it means to sacrifice or purge oneself from a pleasure during these 40 days. Fasting is so contrary to the natural rhythm of our culture. We are a consumer society-- committed to indulging and ingesting anything that finds its way on our path. So... to commit oneself to a 40 day break is contrary to every outside voice and distraction.
I wasn't raised in a liturgical tradition. We didn't observe the church calendar, as many other faith traditions follow. So my time at Quest has given me a new sense and appreciation for the rhythm that the early church established in keeping with their faith. It has stretched me and called me to a deeper sense of struggle and commitment to wrestling with my own faith. I've found that history doesn't have to be sterile or an avenue that chokes life (as my growing up years in the church often taught). In fact, it is quite the contrary, our history, our heritage can give us meaning and a sense of connection to the historical church and in that a fresh sense of life and a call to worship is experienced.
The lent season is not just about a shedding of things-- it is more importantly about the drawing near. It is about the pressing in-- the seeking-- the peering-- the longing to know. And as I've been reflecting these days on just what this shedding or sacrifice should be I was convicted in recognizing how easy it was for me to connect with the 'doing' aspect of lent-- as opposed to the being.
And this is my lent prayer: that I see Christ more clearly, hear His voice more distinctly and be refined into His likeness.
One of the devotions I'm following stated this today on this first day of lent, "Superficial worship, which makes ritualistic gestures toward God while people practice injustice, is worthless... Is not this the fast that I chose: to loose the bonds of injustice...to let the oppressed go free...share your bread with the hungry...to bring the homeless poor into your house...when you see the naked, to cover them...then you shall call and the Lord will answer" (Isaiah 58:6-9). Such is the Lenten journey that God blesses, that we might be called repairers of the breach, restorers of the streets on which we live. (John Martin Mann, Seminary Pastor, Luther Seminary)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Forgive me. This is about to become a blog spew. Since my last post I’ve wrestled more in the context of conversations with close friends about the purpose of blogging. Although, no definitive conclusions were made I am encouraged to find out I’m not alone in this significant question.
Part of my journey in this quest comes from a place of humility. I mean honestly, what real authority do I have to tell people what is what? However, what I can attempt to do is live into the very real tension of honesty, transparency and openness of my life under the umbrella of wisdom and discernment AND with a sliver of hope that there is some common experience that can be shared (namely the human experience), as well as the desire to allow my story to be a source of encouragement & edification. So that is my prayer in the blogging sphere, as it is in other places of my life and it is this-- that I seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly.
This past week has been a very busy-full week. On Saturday my littlest girl turned 4 months old. I can’t believe that she is 4 months old already. I feel like I just had her in October and the time has simply just flown right by. I am still learning about her. Her little personality is being revealed more each day. What I have learned about her is this: she is very sweet. She has an incredibly sweet personality. She soothes people with her smile and disposition. I am incredibly proud of Fiona and the person that she is becoming. I look forward to many more days, months and years with her.
The last few weeks we’ve been hosting a refugee family: a father and his two daughters who are 9 & 10 years old. It has been such a blessing and honor to get to know this family. They are beautiful and the girls are so sweet and gracious. They are now in their own home in the U district. I know we (all those who have gotten to know them) all feel a burden to make sure that they are able to transition into this new life with ease. A few days prior to their moving a few other refugee families were visited and it was discovered that they went a whole 4 days with out eating because the organization that was settling them gave them $$ for food but did not teach them where and how to get the food. It seems unfathomable to think that people were left in such a condition with all the resources and tools we have to make sure that people are equipped and needs are met. This is an email I received from the host family highlighting a couple of their thoughts and experiences in hosting this family (the email was entitled: Thoughts from the Kitchen):
I don't know how you're supposed to feel when:
A. Your new friend compliments your cooking through and interpreter and says he'd like to learn to cook some of those things, and you think he's just being polite, then you find out later it's 'cause he's really happy his kids are getting to eat something besides rice, fish paste and chilies....that they get vegetables and vitamins. Humble?
B. You get a call at work that you can't answer, call your daughter back and leave her a message to call her Dad, and find out she not only discovered the lice, but walked to the store to get lice removal stuff, got a friend on the phone to translate and began helping clean up our new friends. The girls said they hadn't slept as good as they did that night in a long time 'cause their heads didn't itch. Proud?
C. You find out through friends of friends that knew this family in the camp, that Dad's been ill a long time and unable to work. That his wife left the camp to get a job and never came back....protective? Sad?
D. Challenge that came up in the Karen community....a Karen man (single dad with three kids) who lost his leg to a Burma army land mine, living in Tukwila, who would have otherwise been a possible housemate for the dad and girls staying with us. But this dad is Burmese....it was an issue..... Many need healing for wounds that are hard to translate....... Overwhelmed?
After receiving and reading this email I felt weak and heavily burdened. So much need and so much learning to still be done in order to be some source of help—help that is shrouded in integrity & dignity. And even though that feeling can be so crippling and overwhelming I felt a distinct peace that reminded me that there is HOPE and that God still does redeem.
On another note, my mind is all over the place all the time. I am, on a consistent and regular basis, inundated with thoughts, feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m almost to the point where I need a recorder to take down dictation because I can’t possibly expel the thoughts fast enough before another bulk of thoughts are upon me. I feel blessed that I am being challenged to grapple, to wrestle, to be faithful to the many things that God has placed in my life. But there are also moments of where I feel the curse, as I am unable to articulate or express these thoughts, ideas and feelings in a timely enough fashion. So…I’ve included some of these random thoughts that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. They are undeveloped thoughts so be kind. I hope to flesh them out more in time. But for now I leave the skeletal, fragments of such ideas for your ponderings and hope that maybe you can wrestle with me in them. Here goes…
- If you want to know what a parent believes watch his or her child. (More of this will be fleshed out as I process what it means to be a parent of a preschooler).
- The value and high standard of intimacy in relationship must be recognized and a conviction of all parties otherwise it is not a true value and can never be realized. DTR’s (and forgive me for saying that because I hate the phrase) must be done not only in ‘dating’ relationships, but in all shared relationship. We all have different needs and desires that somehow have to be actualized, on some level, to have real, authentic connection with anyone.
- Someone I know keeps emphasizing the statement and truth that, “We don’t always get our way so GROW UP.” This is true, but can we assume that all desire or longing is innately bad, selfish and/or immature? That statement kind of frames our desires as though any disappointment felt is illegitimate and at the heart of all longing (and then in turn disappointment when desire goes unmet) is immature. Where is the compassion when disappointment comes from unrealized hopes of friendship, loss of hope of being known and knowing or the lack of deeper actualization of our understanding of God? Is there no place to feel the very real loss of elements in the world that we are created for and God has designed us to experience?
- People always say that they are open to diversity. However, once confronted with elements of diversity that requires one to leave comfort people become resistant to the whole idea, which is not a true value of diversity, is it? At Quest we talk about diversity in terms of culture, race, gender and even there it seems to be ok to highlight such need for diversity but when we are confronted with issues of mental illness, sexual orientation, family structure, lifestyle, politics ( To name a few. I know these seem vague.) we are not so open to dialogue.
Ok. Forgive me for my overwhelming post. I leave you now with these thoughts.
Part of my journey in this quest comes from a place of humility. I mean honestly, what real authority do I have to tell people what is what? However, what I can attempt to do is live into the very real tension of honesty, transparency and openness of my life under the umbrella of wisdom and discernment AND with a sliver of hope that there is some common experience that can be shared (namely the human experience), as well as the desire to allow my story to be a source of encouragement & edification. So that is my prayer in the blogging sphere, as it is in other places of my life and it is this-- that I seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly.
This past week has been a very busy-full week. On Saturday my littlest girl turned 4 months old. I can’t believe that she is 4 months old already. I feel like I just had her in October and the time has simply just flown right by. I am still learning about her. Her little personality is being revealed more each day. What I have learned about her is this: she is very sweet. She has an incredibly sweet personality. She soothes people with her smile and disposition. I am incredibly proud of Fiona and the person that she is becoming. I look forward to many more days, months and years with her.
The last few weeks we’ve been hosting a refugee family: a father and his two daughters who are 9 & 10 years old. It has been such a blessing and honor to get to know this family. They are beautiful and the girls are so sweet and gracious. They are now in their own home in the U district. I know we (all those who have gotten to know them) all feel a burden to make sure that they are able to transition into this new life with ease. A few days prior to their moving a few other refugee families were visited and it was discovered that they went a whole 4 days with out eating because the organization that was settling them gave them $$ for food but did not teach them where and how to get the food. It seems unfathomable to think that people were left in such a condition with all the resources and tools we have to make sure that people are equipped and needs are met. This is an email I received from the host family highlighting a couple of their thoughts and experiences in hosting this family (the email was entitled: Thoughts from the Kitchen):
I don't know how you're supposed to feel when:
A. Your new friend compliments your cooking through and interpreter and says he'd like to learn to cook some of those things, and you think he's just being polite, then you find out later it's 'cause he's really happy his kids are getting to eat something besides rice, fish paste and chilies....that they get vegetables and vitamins. Humble?
B. You get a call at work that you can't answer, call your daughter back and leave her a message to call her Dad, and find out she not only discovered the lice, but walked to the store to get lice removal stuff, got a friend on the phone to translate and began helping clean up our new friends. The girls said they hadn't slept as good as they did that night in a long time 'cause their heads didn't itch. Proud?
C. You find out through friends of friends that knew this family in the camp, that Dad's been ill a long time and unable to work. That his wife left the camp to get a job and never came back....protective? Sad?
D. Challenge that came up in the Karen community....a Karen man (single dad with three kids) who lost his leg to a Burma army land mine, living in Tukwila, who would have otherwise been a possible housemate for the dad and girls staying with us. But this dad is Burmese....it was an issue..... Many need healing for wounds that are hard to translate....... Overwhelmed?
After receiving and reading this email I felt weak and heavily burdened. So much need and so much learning to still be done in order to be some source of help—help that is shrouded in integrity & dignity. And even though that feeling can be so crippling and overwhelming I felt a distinct peace that reminded me that there is HOPE and that God still does redeem.
On another note, my mind is all over the place all the time. I am, on a consistent and regular basis, inundated with thoughts, feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m almost to the point where I need a recorder to take down dictation because I can’t possibly expel the thoughts fast enough before another bulk of thoughts are upon me. I feel blessed that I am being challenged to grapple, to wrestle, to be faithful to the many things that God has placed in my life. But there are also moments of where I feel the curse, as I am unable to articulate or express these thoughts, ideas and feelings in a timely enough fashion. So…I’ve included some of these random thoughts that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. They are undeveloped thoughts so be kind. I hope to flesh them out more in time. But for now I leave the skeletal, fragments of such ideas for your ponderings and hope that maybe you can wrestle with me in them. Here goes…
- If you want to know what a parent believes watch his or her child. (More of this will be fleshed out as I process what it means to be a parent of a preschooler).
- The value and high standard of intimacy in relationship must be recognized and a conviction of all parties otherwise it is not a true value and can never be realized. DTR’s (and forgive me for saying that because I hate the phrase) must be done not only in ‘dating’ relationships, but in all shared relationship. We all have different needs and desires that somehow have to be actualized, on some level, to have real, authentic connection with anyone.
- Someone I know keeps emphasizing the statement and truth that, “We don’t always get our way so GROW UP.” This is true, but can we assume that all desire or longing is innately bad, selfish and/or immature? That statement kind of frames our desires as though any disappointment felt is illegitimate and at the heart of all longing (and then in turn disappointment when desire goes unmet) is immature. Where is the compassion when disappointment comes from unrealized hopes of friendship, loss of hope of being known and knowing or the lack of deeper actualization of our understanding of God? Is there no place to feel the very real loss of elements in the world that we are created for and God has designed us to experience?
- People always say that they are open to diversity. However, once confronted with elements of diversity that requires one to leave comfort people become resistant to the whole idea, which is not a true value of diversity, is it? At Quest we talk about diversity in terms of culture, race, gender and even there it seems to be ok to highlight such need for diversity but when we are confronted with issues of mental illness, sexual orientation, family structure, lifestyle, politics ( To name a few. I know these seem vague.) we are not so open to dialogue.
Ok. Forgive me for my overwhelming post. I leave you now with these thoughts.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
At the new year I made a commitment to blog once a week... This is the first entry since I made that goal. I have already failed in my attempt to engage blogging more. I will admit that I've had plenty of blog entry ideas cross my mind, but I always struggle with what I should really put out there in cyberspace. I'm always asking myself, "Is that too personal"? or "Is that too negative"? or "Is that too much"? and on and on and on... I honestly do not know how people keep up their blogs so frequently without having some level of internal tension constantly going on... What is really appropriate to put out there anyway? Maybe I'm over thinking it.
So this is my attempt at my first 2009 blog entry. At the beginning of this year we went on a staff day retreat to embark on some planning and visioning for this year. We were asked some very specific questions regarding our goals for ministry, our goals for our personal lives and how we plan to track those and stay accountable to what we say we will do (Quest's fancy term for this is: metrics). It was a great exercise for me because it really let me take some time to assess where I am at and where I want to be, as well as allowed me a space to be hopeful and excited about the things to come. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did but I find myself still going over what I have planned and re-visiting those goals frequently to be sure that I'm staying on course-- not to be a legalist but to be consistent with my words and my ambition. In the entries to come I'll be sharing more of my goals for this year but one of those goals was to be a more focused person with my time. I realized that my time is so valuable. In the past, I have been known to squalor a way time by not being focused and engaged with whatever I am doing at any given time. I felt very convicted over this-- recognizing that it was a stewardship issue. My time has always been an important opportunity to steward, but even more so now that I have children. Because I'm a working mom I realized my time has to count to make it worth it to be a way from them. Whatever I am doing I have to put my whole self into it because of the legacy and future I hope to carve for them... And it is such a great sacrifice to miss the little milestones I miss with them when I am away at work that I want to make it worth it to be a way.
As I said there will be more to share in this arena, but I want to say that all in all I feel very hopeful about what is in the future... I am so looking forward to what is in store and how I will be called to take part.
The end of 2008 was trying to say the least. Holidays, particularly Christmas and the New Year can be difficult for people. I always prepare myself for that season in terms of ministry and my therapy practice because it is generally a time when people are struggling with broken relationships, loneliness and heart ache of all kinds. I think it is heightened at the holiday season because everything you see (by the media and culture) is this idea of false intimacy. People are supposed to give their care for others through expensive gifts and material goods and in addition, the holidays are a time when families and relationships are supposed to come together and be harmonious. This year was tough on a number of different fronts: 1) the economy didn't make it easy for people to buy a ton of stuff which tends to make people feel inadequate, especially with such a cultural emphasis on this element of the holidays and 2) relationships are still difficult-- the holiday magic that some might say exists is really just a myth. It's hard. I'll say I wasn't immune to these struggles in my personal life. Particularly, in the area of personal and familial relationships. It was a hard season. There was much to grieve through and to wrestle with and to try to understand. However, I felt a very strong sense of God's presence and His hope during this time. I can't say that this has always been the case because I generally feel like it is easy for me to fall into a rut, but this time I felt a comfort almost indescribable.
I can honestly say that it was a strange juxtaposition to find myself in... hopeless and with hope simultaneously. How is it that these two very strong realities can co-exist at the very same time? I realized that this could only be the case because of God's presence in my life. His gentle prodding for me to look beyond personal circumstance and to realize that my life, as precarious as it is, is in his hands.
I look forward to my weekly blog entries and will trust that you will patiently journey along with me as I try to figure out what this whole cyberspace thing is supposed to look like.
So this is my attempt at my first 2009 blog entry. At the beginning of this year we went on a staff day retreat to embark on some planning and visioning for this year. We were asked some very specific questions regarding our goals for ministry, our goals for our personal lives and how we plan to track those and stay accountable to what we say we will do (Quest's fancy term for this is: metrics). It was a great exercise for me because it really let me take some time to assess where I am at and where I want to be, as well as allowed me a space to be hopeful and excited about the things to come. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did but I find myself still going over what I have planned and re-visiting those goals frequently to be sure that I'm staying on course-- not to be a legalist but to be consistent with my words and my ambition. In the entries to come I'll be sharing more of my goals for this year but one of those goals was to be a more focused person with my time. I realized that my time is so valuable. In the past, I have been known to squalor a way time by not being focused and engaged with whatever I am doing at any given time. I felt very convicted over this-- recognizing that it was a stewardship issue. My time has always been an important opportunity to steward, but even more so now that I have children. Because I'm a working mom I realized my time has to count to make it worth it to be a way from them. Whatever I am doing I have to put my whole self into it because of the legacy and future I hope to carve for them... And it is such a great sacrifice to miss the little milestones I miss with them when I am away at work that I want to make it worth it to be a way.
As I said there will be more to share in this arena, but I want to say that all in all I feel very hopeful about what is in the future... I am so looking forward to what is in store and how I will be called to take part.
The end of 2008 was trying to say the least. Holidays, particularly Christmas and the New Year can be difficult for people. I always prepare myself for that season in terms of ministry and my therapy practice because it is generally a time when people are struggling with broken relationships, loneliness and heart ache of all kinds. I think it is heightened at the holiday season because everything you see (by the media and culture) is this idea of false intimacy. People are supposed to give their care for others through expensive gifts and material goods and in addition, the holidays are a time when families and relationships are supposed to come together and be harmonious. This year was tough on a number of different fronts: 1) the economy didn't make it easy for people to buy a ton of stuff which tends to make people feel inadequate, especially with such a cultural emphasis on this element of the holidays and 2) relationships are still difficult-- the holiday magic that some might say exists is really just a myth. It's hard. I'll say I wasn't immune to these struggles in my personal life. Particularly, in the area of personal and familial relationships. It was a hard season. There was much to grieve through and to wrestle with and to try to understand. However, I felt a very strong sense of God's presence and His hope during this time. I can't say that this has always been the case because I generally feel like it is easy for me to fall into a rut, but this time I felt a comfort almost indescribable.
I can honestly say that it was a strange juxtaposition to find myself in... hopeless and with hope simultaneously. How is it that these two very strong realities can co-exist at the very same time? I realized that this could only be the case because of God's presence in my life. His gentle prodding for me to look beyond personal circumstance and to realize that my life, as precarious as it is, is in his hands.
I look forward to my weekly blog entries and will trust that you will patiently journey along with me as I try to figure out what this whole cyberspace thing is supposed to look like.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A time to mourn.
This morning my aunt, Chita Braceros passed a way from complications of cancer. The last time I saw my aunt was last September at my brother's wedding. She looked frail and tired. A few weeks later she was diagnosed with bone cancer. It came as a surprise to my family to hear she was sick. It has been a complete surprise to witness how quickly things have progressed since she was first diagnosed.
I remember thinking how unfair it was for her to get sick. She was the backbone, the pillar of her family. I remember her working 2-3 jobs to make sure my cousins, her three children were provided for. I remember the importance she put on their education. She was such a hard worker and amazingly determined in all she did.
I didn't get to spend much time with Aunt Chita since she lived in Hawaii but every time I had the fortune of going to Hawaii I stayed with Aunt Chita and her family. I have very fond memories of her and her hospitality. These are a few things I remember:
* I remember her voice. I remember the tone of her voice when she would call out to me and my cousins. I remember the pitch, the volume the intonation in my aunts voice as she'd call out to my cousin, Natey.
* I remember the smells in her house after she would cook us Portuguese sausage, rice and eggs for breakfast.
* I remember she always had mangos and sweet bread available for us every time we visited.
* I remember her taking me around the island and her pointing out certain important landmarks to me.
* I remember her opening her home to my grandma and her taking care of her, as if she was her own mother.
* I remember her driving my cousin, Charity to ukulele lessons.
* I remember her faith in God. When things seemed uncertain or difficult she'd always share that our trust should be in God and that we must lean in Him for all strength and understanding.
She will be missed.
Today I take a moment to remember her, her life and what she meant to her family.
This is my prayer for my aunt today:
Psalm 116:5-9
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
How precious this life is! I am intimately connected to that knowledge-- even now as I watch my baby Fiona sleeping. To be so close to the beginning and simultaneously to the end is humbling and amazing. Rest, dear Auntie.
** Friends and family-- please feel free to use this space to share memories or thoughts you have about Auntie Chita. This is a memorial dedicated to her.
Friday, October 17, 2008
then three became four...
on october 14th at 11:18 am in the morning we welcomed our new daughter into the world. fiona duran was a healthy 7.03 pounds and 18 and half inches long. big sister isabelle was excited to finally meet her new sister and is finding ways that she can comfort and cuddle her as she adjusts to this new world. frank couldn't be more proud. we had our family waiting for us in the family room and as soon as fiona was born frank took a picture and raced out to show them. he loves his girls. we are still adjusting to all the changes and anticipate that it will be awhile til everything is back to 'normal'. thank you for your love and prayers!
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Saga continues...
So... after very little sleep and going through the gamut of emotions from nervousness to excitement Frank and I trekked out to the hospital where we were scheduled to be induced this morning. We walked in the door tired but excited when the nurse looked up and said, 'Oh no. (as she looked at other nurses) This was our inducement for today. Oh no.' We just kinda looked at each other and waited for a minute when the nurse finally walked over and said that they had been so busy that for the last 8 hours their delivery room was closed to any new patients. That said, she took us to a room gave us another non-stress test to monitor the baby's heart and then after waiting for almost 2 hours we were sent home. The deal now is that if they can discharge at least 2 families by this afternoon we could go back and get induced today... If not, we will pretend it is ground hog's day (like the Billy Murray movie) and go back tomorrow and do the whole thing over again but this time with a guarantee of getting induced.
Oh I can't begin to describe how disheartened and disappointed we felt. I mean we know it'll eventually happen but it still is a great let down to us. Frank looked so disappointed and we joked how we would just start unpacking our things, get comfortable, put in a movie, I'd change into my pj's and then what could they do?? Oh well, this gives us another chance to try to get some more sleep and then we can try it again. I am sooooo looking forward to meeting this elusive girl inside me.
So... after very little sleep and going through the gamut of emotions from nervousness to excitement Frank and I trekked out to the hospital where we were scheduled to be induced this morning. We walked in the door tired but excited when the nurse looked up and said, 'Oh no. (as she looked at other nurses) This was our inducement for today. Oh no.' We just kinda looked at each other and waited for a minute when the nurse finally walked over and said that they had been so busy that for the last 8 hours their delivery room was closed to any new patients. That said, she took us to a room gave us another non-stress test to monitor the baby's heart and then after waiting for almost 2 hours we were sent home. The deal now is that if they can discharge at least 2 families by this afternoon we could go back and get induced today... If not, we will pretend it is ground hog's day (like the Billy Murray movie) and go back tomorrow and do the whole thing over again but this time with a guarantee of getting induced.
Oh I can't begin to describe how disheartened and disappointed we felt. I mean we know it'll eventually happen but it still is a great let down to us. Frank looked so disappointed and we joked how we would just start unpacking our things, get comfortable, put in a movie, I'd change into my pj's and then what could they do?? Oh well, this gives us another chance to try to get some more sleep and then we can try it again. I am sooooo looking forward to meeting this elusive girl inside me.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Baby girl will definitely be here tomorrow!
So after seeing my doctor on Friday and going into my 42nd week of pregnancy the plan was set that if I didn't go into labor this weekend that at 8 am on Monday morning I am supposed to show up at the hospital and get induced. Saturday I went in for a stress test and everything looks perfect with the baby-- her heart sounds great and she is not in distress so that is good. This weekend was an unfruitful weekend, as I didn't go into labor but I'm looking forward to tomorrow and I can't wait to meet my new daughter.
I am honestly a little scared and unsure about what to expect with the inducement, but I am hopeful and glad that I will have Frank there with me to go through the process. This week was difficult in many ways-- not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically. I have felt really worn out with all the uncertainties. Today I shared with a friend some of these struggles. I was so blessed to have some reassurance that what I am going through is normal and that when it comes time to have the baby I will know what to do and will have the support to do it. So I am trying to lean into a space of faith and trust.
So after seeing my doctor on Friday and going into my 42nd week of pregnancy the plan was set that if I didn't go into labor this weekend that at 8 am on Monday morning I am supposed to show up at the hospital and get induced. Saturday I went in for a stress test and everything looks perfect with the baby-- her heart sounds great and she is not in distress so that is good. This weekend was an unfruitful weekend, as I didn't go into labor but I'm looking forward to tomorrow and I can't wait to meet my new daughter.
I am honestly a little scared and unsure about what to expect with the inducement, but I am hopeful and glad that I will have Frank there with me to go through the process. This week was difficult in many ways-- not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically. I have felt really worn out with all the uncertainties. Today I shared with a friend some of these struggles. I was so blessed to have some reassurance that what I am going through is normal and that when it comes time to have the baby I will know what to do and will have the support to do it. So I am trying to lean into a space of faith and trust.
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