Oh no, I don't have a penis!

This past weekend I officiated two weddings-- one on Saturday and one on Sunday. First of all, I just have to say that I absolutely love getting to be a part of a couples lives in this capacity. It's an amazing opportunity to be a part of that journey in some, intimate way. The wedding on Saturday was in Vancouver so it was about 2.5 hours a way from home. It was a lovely setting in the back yard of the bride's parent's home. It was a setting that reminded me of a movie.

Then on Sunday I had the immense privilege of officiating a wedding for a close friend of ours. I felt especially emotional and humbled at his wedding, because of the friendship we've established over the years and to be able to watch him in this next phase in this journey with his lifelong partner made me so proud and amazed.

All that to say, it is great to do the things I get to do like work with couples and officiate weddings but I admit it's always a little touch and go before, during and after each service. I usually get a sense of how I'll be received early on at the rehearsal or when I'm first introduced to family and friends of the wedding party. More often then not those that I'm introduced to have no idea who I am and where I fit and then upon hearing that I'm the minister officiating the wedding I usually get a few surprised, anxious and unsupportive looks. I fall outside of the sphere of what most people expect and what people are comfortable with in terms of what a minister should look like. It doesn't help that I look so young... so I do my best to make myself look a little older. I wear my best suit, glasses, hair back in a bun, etc... I still haven't managed to be able to trick people about my age. However, I think the thing that bothers people the most is that I am a woman. I always forget that even though we live in the 21st century and I live in a pretty progressive city in the US the reality is women in leadership is such a sensitive and controversial subject. It is touchy in all aspects of leadership from politics to business, but the church is not immune to feeling the heat of such controversy.

People might say I'm being a little too sensitive. They may ask, "Really is it that big of a deal"? So I ask you, "Shouldn't it be a big deal? Look around at most churches how many women do you see represented in leadership-- not many if any in most church settings. I am in partnership with a great denomination which affirms women in leadership and leans towards looking at people's giftedness and calling in the affirmation process, as opposed to gender. That is incredibly encouraging-- especially being a woman and having felt a distinct call on my life towards ministry, but even in this setting there are plenty of male pastors who feel like they can't support women in leadership and desire the decision to be made in the local church rather then in the larger denomination. So inevitably in all of our ordination classes the topic of the role of women in the church come up. It can be an incredibly painful conversation, especially when you hear feedback from males that if a woman talks passionately about her call and defends her position she is just being too angry and won't be received until she presents herself with more humility. Yes, I've heard those attitudes and words come across even within a denomination which clearly supports leadership of women. And it is those words and those attitudes that shut down the voice of many women who feel tired and hopeless about change ever happening. Part of the change incorporates a willingness to hear women's stories and pain. Humility must come in the act of hearing and listening... Being met with that posture can diffuse any defenses that might be present.

Although, there definitely is discomfort in many people about the idea of women in leadership I am encouraged that the church is taking steps towards engaging and interpreting this struggle differently. The Anglican church just made the decision to recognize women bishops. Read here.
Even in our Quest congregation I feel like people are engaging the topic with more openness and desire to understand. I had men and women alike following the weddings share their affirmation of my presence in the ceremony. I had an older gentleman say, "I like what you're doing". As I responded with, "What do you mean"? He went on to say, "I like that you're breaking the stereotype that only men can be ministers. You wear it well". So little by little we make headway.