It's nice to feel wanted

The last monthly or so we've been going through various life transitions. Nothing of magnitude but enough to make anyone feel a little uneasy or anxious especially if you're a four year old person. My daughter has been going through another bout of separation anxiety and usually experiences a tiny break down right before me or my husband leave her. Yesterday I was leaving her with one of our closest friends and someone who she lovingly calls 'auntie'. This is the same friend who has been hanging out with her on Mondays for over a year-- someone she feels safe and secure with and who she always has a great time hanging out with... But yesterday as I was preparing to leave for work she literally barricaded me at the door with her arms saying, "No mom! I don't want you to leave me"! It was heart wrenching! Although it felt so nice to feel wanted and longed for it hurt to see her so sad and with tears just streaming down her face. My daughter has a way of stopping me in my tracks like no other person. I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling, as there are parents all over the world who experience anxiety of their own when they are leaving a sad child behind. It is such a fine balance to provide a safe, secure environment for our children. And although I'm not perfect, I try very hard to create a space where she knows somewhere deep inside that mommy and daddy are coming back and that she is their first and foremost priority and within that providing her with protection and security. It is not only my first priority for my family-- it is my passion.

This week we also welcomed a dear friend to our new house. Jenny K (as I lovingly refer to her) came into town from Michigan and it was so good to be with her. She stayed two nights at our house and we had such a wonderful time just having her there. I worked with Jenn back in the earlier days of Q Cafe. She was the cafe manager and I was the community center director and we went through many of the ups and downs together. I also feel proud of the fact that I've been around to witness so much growth and depth develop in Jenn. She is a fighter and has stuck with many difficult things and she is learning with love and grace how to stay faithful to the fight ahead so that she may live in the light of passion and redemption. It has been amazing to be on the fringes of that picture in her life. I am so proud. I am touched. I am inspired.

Last night I attended one of our monthly elder board meetings. I've been a leader at Quest for about 6 years. About a year ago we changed our leadership model to an elder board model and I went through the process of being interviewed by the church members, leadership team, etc. Anyway, shortly after that we went through a church merger with Interbay Covenant church right next to us. Through that process we gained a wealth of wisdom, depth and leadership. Our staffs were combined. We combined our leadership/elder teams. Our congregation was brought together as one church. It was amazing to watch God at work amongst both congregations. That said, it's been over a year now since that process. I can't say that the merger was not without its fair share of ups and down, but all in all it was an encouraging process (especially now in looking hindsight and having moved a way from the initial growing pains). OK, so this section isn't really about the merger-- you've heard about that before in earlier posts but what this is really about is one of the most amazing women I've ever met who joined our Elder Board this last year. She was the chair of the leadership team at Interbay church and in the midst of the merger we gained her expertise, knowledge, wonderful humor, imagination, creativity, grace and grit on the Quest Elder Board. Barbara is someone I admire so deeply. I've heard pieces of her story. A few years ago she lost her husband suddenly while they were a way on vacation and although I was not close to her during that time I've witnessed her tenacity to continue to live life to the fullest. There is always something to be learned from her. I feel tremendously blessed to be able to work so closely with her in this capacity. She is a fighter like none I've ever met. Her words are so eloquent and full of creativity that I seek to be a woman who follows closely in her footsteps. She is in her 70's and she hasn't allowed life to slow her down or keep her from dreaming. In fact, on July 12th she's traveling to Tanzania (her second trip there) to continue her work in a village called Chamwino. Keep an eye on this lady-- she will rock your world! You can check out her adventures on the Quest website and I am confidant that she will have many adventures to share upon her return.

This Sunday the 29th will mark our 12th anniversary. Having just moved we are trying to play it low-key. I just thought it would be nice for us to write a letter to each other-- commemorating in written words our life together-- how we see each other-- what we dream about-- what we hope for for the other and how we will continue to carve out a life together. Honestly, after two years it's easy to fall into the monotony of daily responsibilities and life demands and we've fallen prey to that on several occasions. I realize I still have so much to learn about what it means to love Frank without inhibition or condition. I confess I still hide behind many masks and safety nets that I've constructed to protect myself. Although, the hiding becomes more and more difficult over the course of 12 years the reality is I find places where I will not surrender to anyone-- my God or my husband. So although I'd like to think that after all this time I'm some kind of expert I'm realizing there is no such thing-- it's a myth-- constructed to keep us reaching for something that won't be held in reality. Oh yeah, to be present-- that's what we're called to. Here's to another year with Frank.