date nights= good

so after 13 years of marriage, one kid and another one on the way it is really easy for us to not make our personal connection with one another much of a priority on the to-do list of life. generally, we try to squeeze in some time here or there to spend some quality time together but if things get hectic or chaotic it generally is the first thing to go. and i'll be honest it doesn't feel good to have the inconsistency in our relationship. in fact, i've realized more and more how much i long for intimate moments to learn more about frank and expose more of my inner thoughts with him-- to get a way together and be able to sneak back into the shadow of secret only he and i will ever know.

so... this last sunday night we got to do just that! i had an extremely long day at church. yet, i wanted to make the most of it even though i was riddled with exhaustion. frank had driven to eastern washington that day to help my parents with some yard work and so he, too, was on the sleepy side but didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to get a way with me. so we got all dressed up in our very best and trekked out to a little restaurant called: tamirind tree in the ID.

now after 13 years of marriage and all you'd think it would be easy to just naturally connect but i recognize that there is always just a bit of awkwardness. after all, we're used to having a four year old ask us a ton of questions and run circles around us constantly-- so to have some quiet space to ourselves is such a foreign concept that to have anything but some awkwardness would not be a completely authentic space. so at first, we kinda looked around, chatted briefly here and there, looked at the ceiling, gazed at our menus, and averted our attentions to other people around us and so on... we didn't fall into it easily, but then it happened we got each other! we finally hit a stride and talked about everything from relationships to politics and then more politics and even some of our very own dreams for ourselves and our brood. it was wonderful. it was wonderful to be surprised and taken off guard in such a real and distinct moment and i think that somewhere in there we found a deeper love and respect for one another.

someone the other day told me that their mom had said that over the course of the years of marriage with her father that there were times that intertwined with each other where they were constantly falling in and out of love with one another. and whenever they'd fall out of love she'd take a deep breath, wait and some how in some mysterious and miraculous way she'd find the love she had for him and fall back in love. i resonated fully with that picture, as that mirrors much of our (mine & franks) experience and i believe much of the marriage experience in general. the issue isn't if you can keep a relationship that is seamless-- without conflict or strife, struggle or complete confusion. the thing is can you have faith in the middle of the unknown and trust that without even having any practical answers, strength or understanding that you can find yourselves right there back in love-- more deeply committed and overflowing with grace and respect then ever imaginable-- for that moment of time in the relationship-- IF you can hold on to some inkling of faith in the desert-- in the valley-- in the lonely space which encompasses much of the marriage experience. yes, the winds of change and swaying in & out will come but can we have the courage to see each stage, each moment through so when the birth of redemption experience comes we can see it & let it transform us at it's fullest?