the chronicles of the belly: my belly-- a conversation piece.

it is a strange and funny phenomenon but when you are pregnant and get to a certain stage in your pregnancy (namely the stage where you are very much showing) every one comes out of the wood works with advice and theories and the insatiable need to touch you. everyone predicts the gender of the baby dependent on how you are carrying the babe, whether or not you are experiencing morning sickness, how much heartburn you have, if the baby appears to be high or low and so on and so on and so on. people are so sure at just one glance that they know exactly what you are having and when it is due. today i was shopping around at target and i was in the check out line when the cashier was like, 'you're having a boy aren't you'? with which i replied by saying, 'nope, little girl'. she then responded with, 'oh you're carrying her so high'. yet, i've heard from countless others that you can tell for sure that you are having a girl when you are carrying the baby high and that if you're carrying low then it has to be a boy. in the past two weeks these are the many words i've received:

"You are carrying the baby so high. Doesn't look like the baby will be early".
"Oh my gosh, you're baby has dropped-- you're carrying the baby so low. Looks like any day now".
"Oh my goodness, you are so small it's just like a small basketball that you are carrying around".
"Oh my gosh, you're getting fat".
"You're experiencing a lot of heartburn? That means you're having a baby with lots of hair".
"You must be having a boy because you're carrying so high".
"You must be having a girl because you're carrying so high".

in addition to the various comments i receive, i have had more people rub my tummy and ask to touch me. i think it is fair to say that this will be the only time in my life where i will have the experience of witnessing people's excitement about touching my stomach. it is hilarious how people want to touch you all the time when you are pregnant. i don't mind it much. i find it to be interesting, but the funny thing about it is that it doesn't matter if you know the person or if the person is a complete stranger chances are they are not going to be able to keep themselves from placing their hands on your belly. they touch it and they ewe and awe over it and it somehow makes them feel connected to this miracle inside you. they get all giddy and happy after touching your stomach, as if it is some good luck charm.

all this to say, my belly has been getting a lot of attention these days and it's a bit strange and surreal.

a blessing shower!

so... on saturday, september 13th our dearest friends and family hosted a blessing shower for frank, is and i. i can not even begin to articulate the love and care and support i felt that day from each person. each person left us with words of blessing and care which have been compiled into a beautiful book. i realized through the grace and generosity of my friends and family the rich and beautiful significance of having a community, a village to gather around and support one another. i will never forget that day and i am eternally thankful for each person's participation and love for my family.

*** (as baby draws near i've been feeling more and more nostalgic... here is a poem i wrote about a memory i have of friendship in san francisco...)

it

it's as old as the vintage shoes you once wore.
Then the yellow dresses with red and orange peonies splashed across visions
and brick laden sidewalks with walkers and the smell of stale cigarettes.
Squinted eyes in furry-- strained-- then waned.

and glints of white spots with blindness made memory forget.

Purple stained teeth sprinkled with the smell of fresh sangria-- then real with
lemons floating far beneath.
Stained and yet worried.
Would it flood or fade?
Picture screens and justice scattered along the bay.
For what you can't see you can't erase.
Subconscious love-- then grief-- and a window scene.
Sabotage-- the unwelcomed imaginings.

For once imagined-- cheap.

It came to me the feather, lilies and sweets. You're red and freckled.

Nostalgic happenings overwhelm and escape.

One step.

And stunned.

ready, set, go-- first day of school!

isabelle started her first day of school yesterday. it is her 2nd pre-k year at fairview christian. she was sad to learn that her teacher from last year would not be teaching her again this year... so at first she was a little reticent of joining the new class and the new teacher, but once her teacher shared with her that they had new princess gowns she was sold. it also helped that she had a handful of friends from last year joining her again this year. she was super excited about seeing her friend lily and her beloved luke.

i can't really believe that she is four and half years old! she has already big plans for when she turns five which include: driving and going to the bathroom without an adult. she's an ambitious girl! i'm looking forward to watching her grow and learn many more things this year and i am delighted to see the curiosity and wonder in her eyes when she explores and conquers a new feat!

restricted mobilization...

now that i'm in my 36th week of pregnancy 'getting comfortable' takes on a whole new meaning. my new best friends happen to be pictured above. yes, i have an intimate relationship with both tums and maalox and you can find me all throughout the day either popping tums or swigging maalox to remedy the god-awful heartburn and acid reflux i experience all day, everyday. i've taken to sleeping on the couch in an upright position to try to fight off the gross feeling. in addition, breathing has become more labored, as all of my organs have gotten squished inside the more this baby girl gets bigger. oh and the contractions have started and are sometimes more intense then other times. these are just a few of the inconveniences of pregnancy at this point. although, it is getting harder and harder to get around and find comfort i am still filled with great hope and anticipation at meeting our new little girl.

we've picked out a lovely name for her and i will not disclose that information on my public blog until she is born, but it is so fun to have something picked out and to be able to refer to her by name. i imagine in my mind what she must look like. i wonder how her and her big sister will bond. i can't wait to see her with her dad. so much to look forward to... very, very soon she will be here.

date nights= good

so after 13 years of marriage, one kid and another one on the way it is really easy for us to not make our personal connection with one another much of a priority on the to-do list of life. generally, we try to squeeze in some time here or there to spend some quality time together but if things get hectic or chaotic it generally is the first thing to go. and i'll be honest it doesn't feel good to have the inconsistency in our relationship. in fact, i've realized more and more how much i long for intimate moments to learn more about frank and expose more of my inner thoughts with him-- to get a way together and be able to sneak back into the shadow of secret only he and i will ever know.

so... this last sunday night we got to do just that! i had an extremely long day at church. yet, i wanted to make the most of it even though i was riddled with exhaustion. frank had driven to eastern washington that day to help my parents with some yard work and so he, too, was on the sleepy side but didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to get a way with me. so we got all dressed up in our very best and trekked out to a little restaurant called: tamirind tree in the ID.

now after 13 years of marriage and all you'd think it would be easy to just naturally connect but i recognize that there is always just a bit of awkwardness. after all, we're used to having a four year old ask us a ton of questions and run circles around us constantly-- so to have some quiet space to ourselves is such a foreign concept that to have anything but some awkwardness would not be a completely authentic space. so at first, we kinda looked around, chatted briefly here and there, looked at the ceiling, gazed at our menus, and averted our attentions to other people around us and so on... we didn't fall into it easily, but then it happened we got each other! we finally hit a stride and talked about everything from relationships to politics and then more politics and even some of our very own dreams for ourselves and our brood. it was wonderful. it was wonderful to be surprised and taken off guard in such a real and distinct moment and i think that somewhere in there we found a deeper love and respect for one another.

someone the other day told me that their mom had said that over the course of the years of marriage with her father that there were times that intertwined with each other where they were constantly falling in and out of love with one another. and whenever they'd fall out of love she'd take a deep breath, wait and some how in some mysterious and miraculous way she'd find the love she had for him and fall back in love. i resonated fully with that picture, as that mirrors much of our (mine & franks) experience and i believe much of the marriage experience in general. the issue isn't if you can keep a relationship that is seamless-- without conflict or strife, struggle or complete confusion. the thing is can you have faith in the middle of the unknown and trust that without even having any practical answers, strength or understanding that you can find yourselves right there back in love-- more deeply committed and overflowing with grace and respect then ever imaginable-- for that moment of time in the relationship-- IF you can hold on to some inkling of faith in the desert-- in the valley-- in the lonely space which encompasses much of the marriage experience. yes, the winds of change and swaying in & out will come but can we have the courage to see each stage, each moment through so when the birth of redemption experience comes we can see it & let it transform us at it's fullest?

race in the church-- why we must keep the dialogue moving.

today opening up cnn i came across this article entitled: why american's prefer their sunday's segregated. it was refreshing to see cnn cover such a story. i was familiar with those that they interviewed for the piece like michael emmerson and rev. rodney woo, as a few years ago i attended a conference in which they spoke on these issues. i'm looking forward to the continued dialogue @ quest... there is so much more work to be done.