I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting these past few days. I just read my friends' blog who is living in Korea. She's staying there and taking a position at a university where she'll get to teach some of her core passions. I feel very proud of her. It's strange how God calls us to different places in our lives... sometimes it feels like we just tumbled into it and other times the path seems so clear cut.
In my reflections, i'd been kind of reading some of my old entries. I had forgotten all the things i'd pondered over in the past. And it was nice to connect with some old memories and remember the different ways in which God has spoken to me throughout the years. Now that i'm 32 the struggle of life is very different than that of my 20's. In my 20's my deepest struggle was my insecurity and uncertainty of who I was and what my purpose was. I do not miss those days: constantly second guessing myself, constantly wondering if my next move was the right one, never really understanding the gifts that God had given me, not really understanding the call or if there was a call on my life. I've read articles of women who are older than me who have said that as they've gotten older that the struggle with themselves has gotten better and that they were much kinder to themselves...even liked themselves as they began to age, change and mature. Ironic? In a time, where everyone is clinging to keep there youth. But in my journey i'm finding that to be true. I am proud of the woman that God has created in me and that is a battle i'm so glad to have some peace about. In your 20's you have this sense that you can take on anything: do anything!! The world is an entire adventure... In my 30's I am much more realistic about what I can really do, but unfortunately sometimes that comes with increasing growth in cynicism and skepticism and distrust. And that is the new battle: fighting from letting my heart grow cold, hardened and encrusted or allowing myself to become to settled. I entitled this blog, "Created for More". Because that was the theme of my 20's for so long... trying to figure out what i've been created for and knowing that I hadn't quite found it yet... Good news! Today I have a deeper understanding of why I was created and a deeper appreciation for the way that God has uniquely made me.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Starting Fresh
I have a really hard time thinking of things to blog. I always think that my entries need to be deep and insightful... unfortunately I don't always have deep and insightful thoughts-- most of the time, but not always ;). So I just don't write anything. I'd like my friends to start coming back and visiting my blog and at this point they have no reason to, because there is never anything new to look at. So I decided it's time to start fresh and to just share my life as complex or simple as it seems.
I feel like i've been in a cave for the last two years. It's been a pretty dark time in my life, but today with the sun shining I am hopeful and feel refreshed as the sun washes over all my meloncholy. I pray for a new perspective and outlook from this day on out. One that helps me to focus on what is important in life, to let go of past hurts and regrets and to feel a very strong sense of God's redemption and hope.
My beautiful daughter will be turning two next month. Although the past two years have been difficult; these past two years have brought me some of the deepest joys through watching my daughter grow. It's easy to take advantage of all those little moments. Having a relationship with her has taught me so much about myself and I pray that I can always see her for who she is and all her potential. She is such a beautiful girl with so much life and enthusiasm. I'm thankful that God has given me the gift to share her life with her.
I have a really hard time thinking of things to blog. I always think that my entries need to be deep and insightful... unfortunately I don't always have deep and insightful thoughts-- most of the time, but not always ;). So I just don't write anything. I'd like my friends to start coming back and visiting my blog and at this point they have no reason to, because there is never anything new to look at. So I decided it's time to start fresh and to just share my life as complex or simple as it seems.
I feel like i've been in a cave for the last two years. It's been a pretty dark time in my life, but today with the sun shining I am hopeful and feel refreshed as the sun washes over all my meloncholy. I pray for a new perspective and outlook from this day on out. One that helps me to focus on what is important in life, to let go of past hurts and regrets and to feel a very strong sense of God's redemption and hope.
My beautiful daughter will be turning two next month. Although the past two years have been difficult; these past two years have brought me some of the deepest joys through watching my daughter grow. It's easy to take advantage of all those little moments. Having a relationship with her has taught me so much about myself and I pray that I can always see her for who she is and all her potential. She is such a beautiful girl with so much life and enthusiasm. I'm thankful that God has given me the gift to share her life with her.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
A week and a half ago, a homeless man that we'd worked with this past year was found on fire. He was taken to the Harborview Medical Center where he died. 90% of his body suffered burns. Tomorrow night we are having a memorial service for him... We've invited his friends... we're going to have a nice service and a meal following. I'm thankful that the community is responding so compassionately and generously. I pray that most of all God goes before us. Who knows what will take place with these men and women. I'm certain that all are searching and seeking something beyond their daily existence, but who know what that might be. I pray we're prepared to comfort, to listen and to extend God's grace and mercy. I pray that my heart is changed as I see each man and woman as an image of God and less as an opportunity to 'save'. I pray that Carlos is not forgotten, but that his life would be used to inspire us to do more to protect the vulnerbility of each man, woman and child on the streets.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
This past weekend (Saturday, June 18th) we (Rich, Nancy, Joshua and myself) trekked out to the corner of 15th and Market to meet with the homeless. We had a smaller turn out, but it was an encouraging time, as we had an opportunity to hear people's stories and we were able to connect with people. People are always surprised that we are there... Most think we are having a sidewalk sale and then to hear that all the clothes, the hygeine products and the coffee are free to those in need blows people out of the water.
There is always one or two who particularly stick out in your mind. They remind you why you are doing this and just how much God loves each and every person, as you are face-to-face with a man or woman created in God's image. Then you feel burdened to do more, to pray more and to find out how God can use our little hands and feet to be extensions of His great justice and mercy.
One man has been on my heart for the past week. He was admitted to the hospital for 11 days because of an infection he had on his leg which kept him from being able to walk. His face was worn, his hands were torn. You could tell that the ten years living on the street weighed heavy on him. And although he had everything going against him he was so thankful to have us there. He was so thankful that he could expect that every month there would be someone there to give him clean clothes and to listen to him. On his way out he said, "Thank you for being here and I will be praying that God brings you more donations".
Sometimes it is hard to know what we are doing out there. Does our blankets and coats really make a difference? God reminds us that he is the one at work and that even in the smallest ways he is continually renewing and redeeming souls for His Kingdom.
Praise be to God!
There is always one or two who particularly stick out in your mind. They remind you why you are doing this and just how much God loves each and every person, as you are face-to-face with a man or woman created in God's image. Then you feel burdened to do more, to pray more and to find out how God can use our little hands and feet to be extensions of His great justice and mercy.
One man has been on my heart for the past week. He was admitted to the hospital for 11 days because of an infection he had on his leg which kept him from being able to walk. His face was worn, his hands were torn. You could tell that the ten years living on the street weighed heavy on him. And although he had everything going against him he was so thankful to have us there. He was so thankful that he could expect that every month there would be someone there to give him clean clothes and to listen to him. On his way out he said, "Thank you for being here and I will be praying that God brings you more donations".
Sometimes it is hard to know what we are doing out there. Does our blankets and coats really make a difference? God reminds us that he is the one at work and that even in the smallest ways he is continually renewing and redeeming souls for His Kingdom.
Praise be to God!
Monday, April 04, 2005
the past couple of weeks have marked major transitions in our lives. as a result, i've been feeling anxious, frustrated and a bit stressed. this normally happens with any big change, but today i've been reflecting on why it seems much more intensified this time... and i think that it is ultimately due to the fact that i'm not trusting god in every aspect of my life. i'm relying on my own strength, my own wisdom to get through... and i'm totally exhausted. it's ironic how we put ourselves through so much by simply not trusting and obeying god in our lives. and no matter how many times i put myself through this i never completely learn from it... i just keep doing it and then it's when i'm at the lowest point i realize, "oh yeah... i can't do this on my own". seems like a simple lesson to learn, but it is one that i keep resisting. why do i think my way is better?
one of the lessons i've been learning from genesis and exodus is that god keeps showing his people that he'll do what he will do. sometimes there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it... (for example, how jacob gets his father's blessing through cheating). and even in his dishonesty god honors his blessing. and i have failed to recognize that even in my life god will do what he does whether or not i'm trusting him, surrendering to him and obeying him. i just make it that much tougher for him to redeem me. when will what christ did on the cross be enough for me to believe and trust in the hope he has provided?
the other day i was talking to my father and he reminded me that christ already defeated sin and death... yet, i still rely on myself and reject the redemption that christ has victoriously won for me. what a painful realization! how painful it must be to our father... when we turn from his grace. how painful it must be to watch me as i relationally reject the love he has given me through my family and friends. how angry he must be when i intentionally make the choice to worship my idol. yet, he remains.
one of the lessons i've been learning from genesis and exodus is that god keeps showing his people that he'll do what he will do. sometimes there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it... (for example, how jacob gets his father's blessing through cheating). and even in his dishonesty god honors his blessing. and i have failed to recognize that even in my life god will do what he does whether or not i'm trusting him, surrendering to him and obeying him. i just make it that much tougher for him to redeem me. when will what christ did on the cross be enough for me to believe and trust in the hope he has provided?
the other day i was talking to my father and he reminded me that christ already defeated sin and death... yet, i still rely on myself and reject the redemption that christ has victoriously won for me. what a painful realization! how painful it must be to our father... when we turn from his grace. how painful it must be to watch me as i relationally reject the love he has given me through my family and friends. how angry he must be when i intentionally make the choice to worship my idol. yet, he remains.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
